Hi! I'm here.

[CatLover88]

Hey there. I stumbled accross this board just poopin around on the internet.

I left the church a few years ago. I did it strategically so that they would not be "in the right" to come after me. It wasn't easy and took a few years to pull off, but I did found loopholes so they couldn't hate me or harass me.
I did have a family member who got the boot. ...twice. I saw what happened and it was horrifying.

I was baptized when I was 9 out of complete fear of going to hell. I had panic attacks, nightmares, night terrors, and sometimes pissed the bed I was so afraid. So I got baptized. No 9 year old should be so scared to feel compelled to do that. Even afterwards although I had a little relief, I was still constantly in fear, paranoid, ect.

Anyway, here I am. I've been out for 4ish(?) years now, but am STILL paranoid and anxious. I used to go just to satisfy a couple of family members who hounded me after I left and I swear, it was like I felt a dark cloud come over me and all I could do was cry once services started. Or have a panic attack. In that case I felt like people were staring at me, judging me, thinking "Oh, she must have done something real bad" or whatever.
Anyway, here I am. That's not my whole story, but there's just a little about my experience. And I guess I'm here because there's no one who understands how bad that place is, how bad it screwed with me, why I left, how I left...no one can understand unless they've been a member. I'd like to speak to others who have similar experiences.

[KLP]

Welcome, glad to meet ya. I am a bit curious about the "loophole" you mention. Lot of folks stop by on here and asking advice on how to exit, it might help others.

[CatLover88]

Ah, the loophole.
I decided one day that I was going to sit down and THINK. Really, really think. I realized "they can't kick you out, and have no Biblical rights to toss you out, forget about you, but harass you."
SO, I told my church's preacher and elders that I just felt like I wanted something different, but not different. Just a new surrounding. Something because I was feeling "burnt out" and didn't want to "lose my faith". So I took my membership to another Church of Christ farther away from my home. One that my original church is buddies with. People visit there all the time. I became a member of this other church for a good year or so. And then I took my membership from there for honest reasons. I was poor and couldn't afford the gas. I was attending school full time. I was working full time. It was just too far away. I got my different scenery, different faces, and so forth, but I just couldn't afford the gas to get there. (And of course they don't have a bus or would offer me gas money). This was an honest reason for leaving and everyone understood.
After that, I just never placed my membership back into the original church. I attended for a while to make family members happy. But I just never joined again. You can't kick someone out of a club who isn't in it.

[Cootie Brown]

Glad you got out.

Two suggestions for ways to walk away from the c of c without them harassing you.

1. Tell them you lost your faith. You're leaving because you just don't believe all that nonsense anymore. Give them written notice you are withdrawing your membership. Trust me they will run from you like you're on fire.
2. Have a lawyer write them a letter informing them you are withdrawing your membership. That part is Important you must formally withdraw your membership in writing. Your lawyer will note that if they do anything to publicly embarrass you a law suit will follow. You won't hear from them again.

I was an elder in the c of c we had lawyers in our congregation advised us once a member withdraws their membership in writing it's hands off after that. A big law suit in Ark back in the 80's cost the c of c a bundle of money because they continued the harass the woman after she left the congregation.

[agricola]

Worked for me:
Move 2000 miles away and fail to notify anyone of your new address or phone. (better yet, I didn't even GET a phone for a few years).

[GMan]

Glad that you are out. Welcome!

[onward]

Welcome ~ Can't think of any good reasons to put up with their self-righteous and manipulating behavior.

[CatLover88]

Thanks guys!

Cootie Brown: I've been out a while and thankfully so far no need for a lawyer. BUT that's a damn good idea incase they come knocking on my door! If I can get the money together.


agricola: My great uncle actually moved to another state, started going to his wife's Methodist church, went every sunday, and never joined. Up until his death he had that imaginary guilt.



GMan: Thanks!

onward: Truer words have never been spoken.

[Ivy]

Ah, the loophole.
I decided one day that I was going to sit down and THINK. Really, really think. I realized "they can't kick you out, and have no Biblical rights to toss you out, forget about you, but harass you."
SO, I told my church's preacher and elders that I just felt like I wanted something different, but not different. Just a new surrounding. Something because I was feeling "burnt out" and didn't want to "lose my faith". So I took my membership to another Church of Christ farther away from my home. One that my original church is buddies with. People visit there all the time. I became a member of this other church for a good year or so. And then I took my membership from there for honest reasons. I was poor and couldn't afford the gas. I was attending school full time. I was working full time. It was just too far away. I got my different scenery, different faces, and so forth, but I just couldn't afford the gas to get there. (And of course they don't have a bus or would offer me gas money). This was an honest reason for leaving and everyone understood.
After that, I just never placed my membership back into the original church. I attended for a while to make family members happy. But I just never joined again. You can't kick someone out of a club who isn't in it.

Brilliant plan, CatLover88!!! Good job. Welcome to our little meeting place.

*Or as it could be said....the Cat- acombs.....

[CatLover88]

Ah, the loophole.
I decided one day that I was going to sit down and THINK. Really, really think. I realized "they can't kick you out, and have no Biblical rights to toss you out, forget about you, but harass you."
SO, I told my church's preacher and elders that I just felt like I wanted something different, but not different. Just a new surrounding. Something because I was feeling "burnt out" and didn't want to "lose my faith". So I took my membership to another Church of Christ farther away from my home. One that my original church is buddies with. People visit there all the time. I became a member of this other church for a good year or so. And then I took my membership from there for honest reasons. I was poor and couldn't afford the gas. I was attending school full time. I was working full time. It was just too far away. I got my different scenery, different faces, and so forth, but I just couldn't afford the gas to get there. (And of course they don't have a bus or would offer me gas money). This was an honest reason for leaving and everyone understood.
After that, I just never placed my membership back into the original church. I attended for a while to make family members happy. But I just never joined again. You can't kick someone out of a club who isn't in it.

Brilliant plan, CatLover88!!! Good job. Welcome to our little meeting place.

*Or as it could be said....the Cat- acombs.....

Why thank you! Took a while to figure out, took even longer to pull off. But I've had no knocks on my door or hateful letters in my mailbox or phone calls, people putting up tents in the front yard, camping, waiting for me to come out. (It's happened to my relative who got the boot twice). Been about 4 years, so far it's worked.