Struggling to find grace

[Lonasue32]

Hello I'm Lona, I was raised in the COC with my father as a minister. I have always been creative, and struggled to have an opinion that differed from the canned list of rules that I was prescribed. Over time the "rules" seemed more and more objective and less black and white. In my experience as long as it appeared you followed the rules, and showed up for all the services you were left alone. I found myself in a crisis of faith. I knew there had to be more. I left the COC when I was around 35, I went to the next best thing - the "Christian Church" because they preached Baptism for salvation. And ten years later I have also broken free from there. I feel so confused. I feel not good enough, still plagued with guilt and don't understand Grace. I truly believe it is because of how I was indoctrinated most of my life. Took a shot in the dark to see if there was something out there with people who could relate. And here I am. I hope I can find others who can help me recover from legalism and works based faith to what God intends for me. Honestly at this point I don't even know what it would look like.

[KLP]

Welcome from another PK. You probably already know all the options. They range from people just doing the church show thing to keep folks happy, to joining other denoms or RCC or Greek Orthodox...or just going completely atheist and believing the Bible is all made up. There is a range, and there seems to be a range as to how happy folks are in those various choices. I am sure some will suggest you "detox" from "going to church" and do some self evaluation exercises that offer the hope of finding the right brand of religion for you, seems to be some wisdom in that approach.

Are you trying to balance any family connections? What was it about DOC/Christian Church that was unacceptable?

But welcome, and really maybe just venting and thinking and taking some time before you join another church is what is needed.

[Cootie Brown]

Yes I can relate. I was c of c for 27 years even served as a teacher, deacon, and elder. I was encouraged to resign as an Elder and move on when my teaching become too focused on grace. It had become "Unscriptural" don't ya know. Anyway my wife and I tried a "liberal" c of c for a few years and then an independent group. She joined the Methodist a little over a year ago.

I got involved in studying the origins and evolution of Christianity and the Bible. I began that study and research more than a decade ago and it's still on going. The information I found convinced me to walk away from religion entirely. I don't consider myself an atheist, but I'm not religious either.

I don't recommend following in my footsteps. All religions indoctrinate their adherents. The more conservative ones, IMO, take indoctrination to the next level and actually brainwash their members. I put the c of c in that group. Getting all that junk out of your mind is not easy. If the Christian Church wasn't liberal enough for you I'm not sure where you could go to find the peace and grace that you are seeking.

My heart goes out to you, I've been where you are. My wife loves the Methodist Church and has been able to embrace their traditions, but I have not. Maybe you just need to get away from Church and religion for awhile and decompress and maybe clear your mind.

I'm convinced now that both Heaven and Hell are mythical places. When we die we simple go to sleep and that's the end. I understand religious people can't even consider that as a possibility. When I was a believer I received great comfort from Ephesians 2:8-10. If the Bible is true then those verses are true too. If those verses are true then you have nothing to fear.

[agricola]

Welcome to the 'ex' board! Please poke around, and see what you can find - I think you'll find that you are not alone, and that the path people have taken on leaving a coc are many and diverse.

The main portal to the site also has some essays/columns on various coc teachings and more 'normal' Christian teachings, which may be interesting to you.

[Opie]

Welcome to the board. Far too many of us have been damaged by the legalism of the CoC, and the lack of understanding of grace that characterizes most CoC congregations. It's a sad and difficult existence when you feel like you have to be 100 percent right and correct all of the time, and believing that all other denominations are 100 percent wrong all of the time. I also struggled with understanding grace for a long time, and I can recommend 3 books that were helpful to me in grasping what grace is all about. I believe that all 3 of these books are still available on Amazon.

"Breaking the Bondage of Legalism" by Neil Anderson/Rich Miller/Paul Travis

"12 Steps for the Recovering Pharisee" by John Fischer

"Extreme Righteousness" by Tom Hovestol

I was also very fortunate to find some good folks in the Disciples of Christ and some community churches who helped me through my personal struggles. Prayers and best wishes to you in your struggles.

[Moogy]

Welcome. I hope you find what you need here. There is a lot of variety on this board. Take what you need or like and ignore the rest.

Were you in the Christian Church or the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ)? The DOC is further from the COC.

[FinallyFree]

Welcome! You must have been attending an Independent Christian Church (note Moogy's question in previous post). I attend a Disciples of Christ church and they do immerse, but believe you are saved by your faith and not the immersion. It is a very grace oriented church.

[teresa]

Hi Lona

My new covenant article explains my understanding of grace, which you might find helpful. I'll bump it up for you. It's in the "Old Paths Reconsidered" forum.

[gordie91]

Hey Lona,

Welcome to the board! It has been almost a year since the news broke on my leaving the CoC. It has been an interesting ride. My family is still very much involved and my leaving has changed the dynamics of family gatherings a bit. My wife is a PK and so I have some understanding about that as well.

Some good take aways I got since joining the board was first be true and honest to who you are and what you believe and second, just don't argue with people (that one was hard for me). Keep struggling because when you stop struggling you sink. Hang in there and I hope things go well with you and your journey. May God bless.