Leaving theCult, by Hiyaguha Cohen

[Moogy]

I am reading this short book about the residue from leaving a cult. I am not here to argue whether or not the COC is a cult or not. I suspect some are and some are not.
This book presents questions for thought about one's past beliefs and practices. I think many of these questions are interesting for some of us. I intend to share a few of these borrowed questions. I would like to hear your experiences.
Since this is the agreement and support section of the board, we shall not have arguments about other people's experiences.
So here are the first questions I want to pose:

How did you fit into the leadership structure of your group (COC)? What effect did your group's leadership structure have on you?

[Moogy]

How did you fit into the leadership structure of your group (COC)? What effect did your group's leadership structure have on you?

I will talk about the church I attended during college and early adulthood.

I am female, and the COC did not offer public leadership roles to women. However, I was quite active, teaching children's classes and warming the pew every time the doors were open. During the last few years there, my husband was the church treasurer, but I was the one who dId much of he banking work. Naturally, I didn't get input into how the funds were spent. Then again, that church didn't have much money.
This church never had elders, and there were few older men. The younger guys like my husband pretty much made all decisions.
How did it affect me? When I was still a true believer, I felt very much at home. I always knew what was happening and why. When I began to be disillusioned, I was irritated that the rules didn't allow females to lead. My husband and I had to slowly extricate ourselves from our public roles as the time approached that we intended to leave (we stalled until after Christmass to avoid upset win family members during the holiday visits.)

[Cootie Brown]

By any reasonable definition the c of c is a cult. Cults come in many versions but indoctrination & control using threats, intimidation, & discipline is an obvious trait & that is common in all c of c's. Their one true & only church teaching is another cult trait.

[faithfyl]

Being a woman, I can't answer that question. Women weren't involved in leadership in the C of C.

[Ivy]

Being a woman, I can't answer that question. Women weren't involved in leadership in the C of C.

But they were, covertly.......through behind the scenes manipulation of the "men in leadership", usually a spouse.

[agricola]

I did no more than watch kids in the nursery once in a while. As soon as I was living in a different town from my parents, I stopped regular attendance - as in, I would turn up once every six or eight months, sit in the back and leave immediately without talking to anybody.

After moving out west, the small town I was in had a coc which I started attending on Sunday mornings - it was VERY small (shared space with the Presbyterian church, equally tiny) so I got to know those folks fairly well. Mostly I went because I liked the singing. I was there maybe a year and didn't get involved in anything, because you know, women don't.

That was the end of it.

As far as I knew, the elders made the decisions and hired the preacher. The preacher sometimes tried to rein in the elders on some topics - and usually the elders would comply IF the subject involved something 'doctrinal' and not if the subject was 'practical' like budgets. Preachers were supposed to not bother their heads about that stuff: that was the elders' job.

Deacons did the actual work that the elders decided needed to be done. Daddy was a deacon. He mowed the grass, counted the collection money, and sometimes helped with wiring or changing light bulbs.

Really small places, usually had maybe two elders, or three, and no deacons. Or they had one elder and a couple of deacons. Sometimes they didn't have a preacher but members would take turns.

This is not a lot of experience about church business stuff. Girls don't do that at a coc.

As far as I know, women mostly had influence through talking to their husbands about church stuff, so it depended on the particular husband - does he tell his wife what is going on or not? does he confer with her? does he respect her opinions?

[agricola]

Do you have any more information about that book, Moogy? I can't find it.

[Moogy]

Do you have any more information about that book, Moogy? I can't find it.

My bad, I listed the name incorrectly. It is actually "The Leave the Cult Handbook", available on Kindle. A free workbook (for recording your thoughts on the questions)is available for download when you get the book.

[/h**ps://www.amazon.com/Leave-Handbook-Hiyaguha- ... t%2C+cohen

[agricola]

Found it after a little extra searching! You'd think with an author's name like that, it would turn up right away!

[bnot]

Being a woman, I can't answer that question. Women weren't involved in leadership in the C of C.

But they were, covertly.......through behind the scenes manipulation of the "men in leadership", usually a spouse.

Agreed. I noticed that as well