Trying to Break Free

[lrn01510]

Hello! I feel guilty even being here... Hopefully those feelings will fade. I was raised CoC and I now attend college in my hometown. Since starting college I have stopped going at all and have been bombarded with messages from random old people and I can't visit my parents without them reprimanding me and bugging me about my spiritual life or lack thereof. I think that I might be atheist. My parents pay for my college so I feel as if I have to fake being CoC until I can support myself. But it takes a toll. I see people from "the church" all the time around campus and I go in to full on panic attacks. I have a boyfriend who is trans and that doesn't make me any less nervous to be in public. I don't know how long I can stand the constant annoyances from such terrible people.

[Cootie Brown]

If you want to talk to some folks that were raised Christian and/or c of C but have now left the faith, like me, I would recommend you check out Ex-Christian.net forums. I am active over there. There are several ex c of C folk over there & several of them are active here too. I think that site might be a good fit for you right now in view of your situation, along with this one too.

I go by Geezer over there but I use the same little old man avatar. I think you will find folks over there a little more sympathetic to your situation. The word atheists tends to get some believers a tad upset when you're posting on a Christian site like this one. And they tend to get a little preachy & judgemental in the comments they post.

When you're posting on a Christian web site the word agnostic might be a better choice.

[agricola]

Cootie - this is not a Christian site. This is an EX-COC site. Some of the members are still Christians and some aren't, but this isn't a 'Christian site'. It just isn't an atheist site EITHER.

Welcome to the board! I feel for you! I waited until after I left college to completely 'leave' the coc, and I avoided telling the parents for absolutely as long as I could manage to get away with (like, a decade or so). I think they suspected something, but we didn't talk about it. We were all very good at not talking about anything that might be upsetting, at our house.

You are under no obligation to make your mind up right this minute about your faith variety or lack thereof, so give yourself a break. College is stressful enough all on its own.

[Ivy]

I think you will find folks over there a little more sympathetic to your situation. The word atheists tends to get some believers a tad upset when you're posting on a Christian site like this one. And they tend to get a little preachy & judgemental in the comments they post.

When you're posting on a Christian web site the word agnostic might be a better choice.

Cootie, I don't agree with you at all here, and feel you're being unfair to us. This is not a Christian site, lrn01510. It's for anyone who has left, or is thinking of leaving, or in process of leaving, the cofc. We have a variety of different belief systems here amongst us. We may have a curmudgeon or on the board, but just ignore them or school them (your choice) if they post something that feels unsupportive.

So, having clarified that.....welcome lrn01510!!

[Cootie Brown]

I stand corrected. This isn't a Christian website. It's a site for former members of the c of C. Many of the participants here just happen to be believers. This site isn't Christian in the same sense that Ex-Christian.net isn't a non-believers site. It just happens to attract mostly non-believers. Thanks for correcting my misconception.

[SolaDude]

Imo, are your parents of a tolerant mind at all? ... I am assuming not.... With you still living locally and the issues you are dealing with, do you know a professional counselor of some kind who you can talk to??... Perhaps he or she could arrange and mediate a more neutral confrontational meeting with you and your folks to break the news to them of your changing perspectives.....also, although you may feel guilty at the moment, you do not need to feel that way at all here...

[agricola]

I stand corrected. This isn't a Christian website. It's a site for former members of the c of C. Many of the participants here just happen to be believers. This site isn't Christian in the same sense that Ex-Christian.net isn't a non-believers site. It just happens to attract mostly non-believers. Thanks for correcting my misconception.

This site is neither Christian nor non-Christian. I would estimate that roughly 80% of regular posters are Christians of one variety or another. The only rule of the board is that it is NOT for COC members, but is specifically for and populated by, persons who USED TO BE COC members.

'Ex-Christian.net' is clearly NOT a Christian site, but is for people who are not Christians, but used to be.

To see where the board members, past and present, have found themselves NOW (or post- COC), check out the 'New Paths' forum, where board members can describe and answer questions about their current religious home. Many are various Christian denominations, some are non-Christian faiths, some are no longer defining themselves as religious at all.

[lrn01510]

Thanks for all the clarifications! My parents are not even the least bit tolerant. I am currently seeing a counselor, but I don't think I'm anywhere ready to bring them into the conversation. I really appreciate all of the welcomes and support, it's nice to feel not so alone.

[Cootie Brown]

Thanks for all the clarifications! My parents are not even the least bit tolerant. I am currently seeing a counselor, but I don't think I'm anywhere ready to bring them into the conversation. I really appreciate all of the welcomes and support, it's nice to feel not so alone.

If you are still fully dependent on your parents for financial support, then coming out to them would not be a wise thing to do. Until you are in a position to make it on your own it's probably best to remain quiet and go along to get along.

Not that this will help your situation but there are a number of young people in a similar predicament. I wish you the best in whatever path you choose to follow.

[Moogy]

Welcome! I hope you find some help here.