Kooky Communion & Collection Stories

[illuminator]

What are some of the weird stories you’ve heard associated with the Lord’s Supper?

A couple in our congregation was visiting a church who took the fruit of the vine first and the bread second. The got upset because it’s the wrong order given in the Bible.

One woman complained the bread was too soggy to break.

One family came back from vacation and told of their horrifying experience where a congregation served wafers instead of cracker squares. Again, it couldn’t be broken.

An elder and his wife went to Polishing the Pulpit and were appalled when given the combination juice/bread containers because, again, the bread couldn’t be broken.

There was a group who refused to partake of communion because there was a deacon who, when praying, would mention Christ’s “broken” body, which they claimed violated Scripture that it was prophesied that not one bone would be broken. He also prayed for Christ’s spilled blood. They objected to this because “spill” implies carelessness or clumsiness on Christ’s part and would make salvation accidental instead of purposed.

One church split over paper envelopes v. collection plates. The deacons couldn’t see what you put in an envelope, so you were hiding how much you were giving (or not) as opposed to the “look how little they put into the collection plate.”

One old biddy complained a member always broke off more bread than was necessary, and sine gluttony is a sin, they make a mockery of the Lord’s Supper.

One busybody would keep a list of who took communion and who didn’t. After service everyone knew and a plea for the walk of shame would be made that evening.

[MusicMan826]

Once a month one of the ladies in the congregation would fill the grape juice cups and put the crackers in the plate before services on Sunday morning (it was one of the only things the women could do). One first Sunday morning of the month, my mom forgot that it was her month to fill the cups and plates. So when the men got up that morning to serve the Lord's Supper, after the head of the table did his spiel he took the lid off the cracker plates...and they were empty. After a couple seconds of awkward silence he whispered something to the song leader. The song leader led one more song while the men ran into the side room to fill the crackers and grape juice and services resumed as normal. I don't think anyone really gave it a second thought...except my dad.

The car ride home after services was terrible. My dad literally screamed at my mom the entire car ride home over the incident. I remember him telling her that she made a fool of herself, our family and the whole congregation. The whole time she's sobbing in the passenger seat and he continues to scream at her like a little kid and telling her how any visitors we may have had must have thought we were the most incompetent church out there. A major overreaction and to this day I still remember it vividly and can't believe how he totally flipped out over something so small.

[illuminator]

MM, I'm sorry that's not kooky but creepy! Not meaning to be offensive toward your father, of course, but it's the whole coc frame of mind. So sorry for all involved. Thanks for sharing!

[MusicMan826]

I completely agree with you. The whole CoC service was always so robotic and if one little thing threw the service off track, even if just for a minute or two, some people would freak out about it. It goes back their whole mindset of trying their damn hardest not to be like the denominations and terrified that if one little thing was wrong, God would send the whole congregation to hell if we didn't beg for forgiveness. To be fair to my father though he was incredibly more strict back in those days, and if it happened again today he probably would just laugh it off.

To get back on track though, we had one man that was absolutely terrified to do anything in front of people. Even talking in small groups made him break out in sweat. Well the elders told him he HAD to serve in some way to be acceptable unto God, so he would stand and serve at the Lord's Supper. Even just standing up there he would breathe heavily and took a hankerchief to wipe the sweat off his forehead. When it came time to pass around the grape juice he was shaking so hard you could hear the little cups rattling and we all just knew he was going to drop it on someone some day. He never did, thankfully, but I always felt so bad for the guy. As someone who got nervous being in front of people myself, I always hated how the elders didn't recognize how terribly nervous this poor guy was. What made me even more mad was how afterwards I would hear people making fun of him and mocking him when he wasn't around. Just like the other thread mentions, CoCers really can be so mean.

[illuminator]

That poor man! Nothing scriptural there, forcing him to serve might force him away. These stories make e angry. There are many ways to serve God and use the talents He blessed us with and not what man has forced on us.

[lvmaus]

At the communion table the "head elder" blessed CINNAMON CRACKERS rather than the unleavened bread; his wife usually prepared the communion, but was sick that day, so he made the preperations himself and grabbed the wrong box of crackers. As the bread was passed around I noticed how everyone was in shock mode after partaking, and I realized why when my turn rolled around. The head elder took the bread last while the entire church watched for his reaction ... needless to say it was a Polaroid moment.

After profusely apologizing he blessed the cup - which was the normal Welches - and it was passed around without any problems. The elders then huddled together and decided to replay the bread part of the communion using the "proper" unleavened bread ... so the bread was passed around once more.

Now everything is out of whack.

Since the cinnamon bread has been deemed null and void, and the cup blessed and distributed next prior to the repassing of the unleavened bread, the whole communion process is obviously twisted out of sync ... the cup becomes first and the bread becomes last.

[agricola]

oh good lord, I needed that laugh this morning! Thank you for sharing.

[Struggler]

There was always the argument over whether the matzo should be broken in front of everyone. Always one or two people and they'd parrot what they read in one of the "papers." Ditto for serving evening communion in the auditorium or in another room during or toward the end of the service.

At another church, the servers would walk up to the table during the hymn before communion and all nod to one another once they were standing in place.

The "meditations" were often delivered by wannabe preachers who didn't know the meaning of "keep it brief."

[illuminator]

The "meditations" were often delivered by wannabe preachers who didn't know the meaning of "keep it brief."

Our guys didn't do too bad through communion but those Wednesday night initiations were longer than the Bible study! And your night was screwed if the cop, doctor or football coach got up. What the hell does basketball have to do with salvation? I love football but I couldn't make the connection. Were gonna win one for the Gipper???

[musicman]

One of the funniest stories I heard was told years ago by one of my Bible teachers at Lipscomb.

It's so funny(and ridiculous) that I've never forgotten it.

The professor told of preaching somewhere(maybe as a substitute preacher one Sunday)..and this congregation did things "the right way" by only using one cup. He said that the grape juice was in one large cup from which everyone partook.

In this church was one gentleman who always sat on the front pew. The communion servers had to serve this guy LAST because he would empty the cup. When questioned about it the man stated Jesus said.."drink ye all of it!"

I shared that story with a Lutheran pastor(who had to study Greek in seminary). After a good laugh, Pastor stated that the verse really means "..each one of you drink from it."