Kooky Communion & Collection Stories

[musicman]

I completely agree with you. The whole CoC service was always so robotic and if one little thing threw the service off track, even if just for a minute or two, some people would freak out about it. It goes back their whole mindset of trying their damn hardest not to be like the denominations and terrified that if one little thing was wrong, God would send the whole congregation to hell if we didn't beg for forgiveness. To be fair to my father though he was incredibly more strict back in those days, and if it happened again today he probably would just laugh it off.

To get back on track though, we had one man that was absolutely terrified to do anything in front of people. Even talking in small groups made him break out in sweat. Well the elders told him he HAD to serve in some way to be acceptable unto God, so he would stand and serve at the Lord's Supper. Even just standing up there he would breathe heavily and took a hankerchief to wipe the sweat off his forehead. When it came time to pass around the grape juice he was shaking so hard you could hear the little cups rattling and we all just knew he was going to drop it on someone some day. He never did, thankfully, but I always felt so bad for the guy. As someone who got nervous being in front of people myself, I always hated how the elders didn't recognize how terribly nervous this poor guy was. What made me even more mad was how afterwards I would hear people making fun of him and mocking him when he wasn't around. Just like the other thread mentions, CoCers really can be so mean.

The C o C service is indeed "robotic." All "5 Acts of Worship" MUST be performed or the service is invalid. I'm sure there are C o Cs in which the order of the "5 Acts" has not changed. Some think that there must be a certain number of songs, then a prayer, another song, then the "Lawrd's Supper." I recall one I attended which purposely took the offering after the sermon, although the communion service was before the sermon. This was done to remind everyone that the offering was "separate and apart" from the communion service.

[musicman]

What are some of the weird stories you’ve heard associated with the Lord’s Supper?

A couple in our congregation was visiting a church who took the fruit of the vine first and the bread second. The got upset because it’s the wrong order given in the Bible.

One woman complained the bread was too soggy to break.

One family came back from vacation and told of their horrifying experience where a congregation served wafers instead of cracker squares. Again, it couldn’t be broken.

An elder and his wife went to Polishing the Pulpit and were appalled when given the combination juice/bread containers because, again, the bread couldn’t be broken.

There was a group who refused to partake of communion because there was a deacon who, when praying, would mention Christ’s “broken” body, which they claimed violated Scripture that it was prophesied that not one bone would be broken. He also prayed for Christ’s spilled blood. They objected to this because “spill” implies carelessness or clumsiness on Christ’s part and would make salvation accidental instead of purposed.

One church split over paper envelopes v. collection plates. The deacons couldn’t see what you put in an envelope, so you were hiding how much you were giving (or not) as opposed to the “look how little they put into the collection plate.”

One old biddy complained a member always broke off more bread than was necessary, and sine gluttony is a sin, they make a mockery of the Lord’s Supper.

One busybody would keep a list of who took communion and who didn’t. After service everyone knew and a plea for the walk of shame would be made that evening.

The Sunday evening communion was done in various ways at C o Cs I attended. One asked those who "didn't have a chance to partake" to stand. Another would ask them to come sit in the front pews; yet another had them go to another room during the closing song. No matter how it was done, everybody in attendance knew who didn't partake on Sunday morning.

[margin overa]

The wackiest thing that I ever witnessed during a CofC communion time was when an older man who was carrying the trays down the center aisle at the building tripped over a bit of bunched-up carpet, and went down in full flight, shouting out "goddamn!" as he headed down to the floor and the aluminum trays clattered everywhere. I was perhaps 12 or 13, and had to get up and go out because I was crying with laughter. I got in trouble afterwards for having laughed in church, and especially during the Lawd's Supper, and for making light of the man's plight (he was in fact uninjured and I wasn't laughing at him, but that's how my parents understood it ). The whole congregation forever after acted as if they hadn't clearly heard him curse as he fell down.

[KLP]

I was faulted for not leading an appropriate enough song before the Sunday PM LS which was after the invitation. It was a baloney gripe about me but they had to try to pile up some sort of justification for trying to dismember me. Of course this fault of mine was not recollected or mentioned until months later but it had "offended" someone. But every week, the person "presiding" of course could ramble on about any topic as long as they ended up with a vague connection to a re-reading of an excerpt of 1 Cor 11....but hey, that song prior to any random comments about football or politics or fishing had to be "appropriate enough"

Of course the pre LS "pep talk" was as good a time as any to bash them denominations. On a Super Bowl Sunday the guy brought up churches now having Tailgate Church on Super Bowl Sunday. I immediately broke out my browser (while LS process was still going) and looked that up, it sounds awesome. That congregation does Trunk-or-Treat but Tailgate Church is an abomination.

[illuminator]

Great stories!

[OneStrike_ur_out]

At my last cOC, there was nearly a split over the the fact that the Lord's Supper was offered twice on Sunday. Once in the morning and then again on Sunday evening to those who may have missed the morning service. "We need to offer the Lord's Supper one time per week, and that is Sunday morning. Period, end of story!" said the faction that was against it. "Hey now, you people hold on a minute, there ain't a thing wrong with offering an abbreviated makeup Lord's Supper!" said the faction that was for it. "Are you freakin kidding me? Why it is UN-SCRIPTURAL to offer it twice!!" Back and forth they went. It drug on and on and on. A solution was reached, but only because Sunday evening services were eventually discontinued for other reasons. Or so, that's what they said. I personally think that the half that was against offering the Lord's Supper twice had the evening services done away with. Which was fine by me! So, that took care of the whole issue. It was just crazy how BOTH sides got so worked up over it. One guy ended up in the hospital because he literally worried himself nearly to death over it!

[illuminator]

Goodness! That's more horror story than kooky!

You know, I really think God's gonna be pissed at most of us. "I left you a manual!!!" No meeting or reasoning together, it's down the middle. Those who read it, ignore it, and the other half try to follow to the letter to where it's absurd.

[KLP]

I sorta came to the position that if it was being offered again or a second time that there was no reason not to "partake" since supposedly we are all sharing in "communion". That bugged people even more it seemed.

If you argue that once is enough and all that is authorized then why even have a second service? If you argue that multiple opportunities should be offered then what basis is there for an assembly where not everyone participates? I mean I sang songs and heard a sermon in the morning, why should I repeat those "acts of worship" and not some other "act of worship". Now giving twice on Sunday would seem like something the leadership would embrace.

[agricola]

My old church offered it in the evening on Sunday but only for people who missed it on Sunday morning - so you could have it ONCE and ONCE ONLY but certainly it 'had' to be on Sunday, no excuses.
And of course, you couldn't possibly MISS a week! God forbid! So people with influenza or dying of something would drag themselves on on Sunday EVENING so they wouldn't miss it altogether.

Eventually the elders and deacons made up a little home kit thing, and if someone was sick (and called the elders), a little delegation would go visit them and give them the crackers and grape juice at home.

[illuminator]

Why didn't they just come up with a drive thru window for communion? "Yes, I have a BOGO coupon for communion." "Would you like to super-size your order?" "No, thanks." "Lay by as you've been prospered at the first window."