Kooky Communion & Collection Stories

[candace]

Once a month one of the ladies in the congregation would fill the grape juice cups and put the crackers in the plate before services on Sunday morning (it was one of the only things the women could do). One first Sunday morning of the month, my mom forgot that it was her month to fill the cups and plates. So when the men got up that morning to serve the Lord's Supper, after the head of the table did his spiel he took the lid off the cracker plates...and they were empty. After a couple seconds of awkward silence he whispered something to the song leader. The song leader led one more song while the men ran into the side room to fill the crackers and grape juice and services resumed as normal. I don't think anyone really gave it a second thought...except my dad.

The car ride home after services was terrible. My dad literally screamed at my mom the entire car ride home over the incident. I remember him telling her that she made a fool of herself, our family and the whole congregation. The whole time she's sobbing in the passenger seat and he continues to scream at her like a little kid and telling her how any visitors we may have had must have thought we were the most incompetent church out there. A major overreaction and to this day I still remember it vividly and can't believe how he totally flipped out over something so small.

That had happened at my coc one time. The bread plate was fine, but the grape juice trays were empty. The preacher's wife quickly went to fill up the tray, but not another word was said. But, to their credit, a few of the members ended up developing celiac disease and cannot tolerate eating regular bread (with varying degrees of negative reactions if they do eat it), and a gluten-free bread option is available for them. They don't argue over it, because they realize it's a serious health issue for them and it is served on a separate tray to avoid any cross contamination issues. They also make it available to visitors who need it.

[Ashes]

I completely agree with you. The whole CoC service was always so robotic and if one little thing threw the service off track, even if just for a minute or two, some people would freak out about it.

Except for when the preacher's sermon lasts 10-15 minutes over the allotted time, which happens frequently at my ex-church. (There a couple of men who love the sound of their own southern drawl.)

[agricola]

Oh people freaked out about it - in the car on the way home! Trust me! Usually the mama's with Sunday dinner in the oven, and now it was way overdone.

[Hildegard]

About ten years ago I developed an ulcer--right about the time doctors discovered most ulcers were caused by certain types of flu/bacteria.

I couldn't touch even the slightest drop of grape juice. Apple juice was more palatable (and not to be too crude, it stayed down). So I would bring a bottle of apple juice with me to services and after the communion had been prayed over, I took a swig. I'd talked to the preacher about it--we were friends and I wanted his opinion on whether or not I, holding my bottle in my seat at the back of the church, was drinking sanctified juice. You know what I mean. That's how much of the CoC Kool-aid I'd drunk.

He didn't see why it mattered, so for weeks I did the apple juice thing. Well, finally it came to the attention of some other people in the church. Apple juice was not the fruit of the vine, they said. I turned it around on them: what should someone do if the fruit of the vine makes someone sick?

"If you had enough faith in God," said one older gentleman (who was always in everybody's business), "the grape juice wouldn't make you sick. After all, we pray over it and it's consecrated by God." Et cetera, blah blah blah.

I apologized and said doctor's orders trumped faith (or the supposed lack of it) in this regard, lifted the bottle to my lips and drank it right in front of him.

They did not bother me again, but they gave me horrible looks for a long time to come.

Eyeroll. Like my health is really any of their business anyway.

[Lev]

"If you had enough faith in God," said one older gentleman (who was always in everybody's business), "the grape juice wouldn't make you sick. After all, we pray over it and it's consecrated by God." Et cetera, blah blah blah.

I've heard of the same argument being made to people who request gluten-free bread because of their Celiac disease. Mind you, this is a real disease and not simply a "I feel better without gluten" situation. Faith is expected to trump health in this case. Funny how that line of reasoning is tossed out when hardline COCers are discussing Paul's "a little wine for your stomach's sake" instruction to Timothy. The classic explanation there is that, while it's completely sinful to even have a sip of alcoholic wine today, Timothy's health issues required him to take a small amount of the forbidden juice occasionally. OK, even if that argument were sound, why can't a Celiac patient or an ulcer patient use gluten-free bread or apple juice, respectively? In. Con. Sistent.

Lev

[musicman]

The wackiest thing that I ever witnessed during a CofC communion time was when an older man who was carrying the trays down the center aisle at the building tripped over a bit of bunched-up carpet, and went down in full flight, shouting out "goddamn!" as he headed down to the floor and the aluminum trays clattered everywhere. I was perhaps 12 or 13, and had to get up and go out because I was crying with laughter. I got in trouble afterwards for having laughed in church, and especially during the Lawd's Supper, and for making light of the man's plight (he was in fact uninjured and I wasn't laughing at him, but that's how my parents understood it ). The whole congregation forever after acted as if they hadn't clearly heard him curse as he fell down.

I'm surprised they didn't insist that the man do the "walk of shame" and confess to "taking the Lord's name in vain."

[B.H.]

About ten years ago I developed an ulcer--right about the time doctors discovered most ulcers were caused by certain types of flu/bacteria.

I couldn't touch even the slightest drop of grape juice. Apple juice was more palatable (and not to be too crude, it stayed down). So I would bring a bottle of apple juice with me to services and after the communion had been prayed over, I took a swig. I'd talked to the preacher about it--we were friends and I wanted his opinion on whether or not I, holding my bottle in my seat at the back of the church, was drinking sanctified juice. You know what I mean. That's how much of the CoC Kool-aid I'd drunk.

He didn't see why it mattered, so for weeks I did the apple juice thing. Well, finally it came to the attention of some other people in the church. Apple juice was not the fruit of the vine, they said. I turned it around on them: what should someone do if the fruit of the vine makes someone sick?

"If you had enough faith in God," said one older gentleman (who was always in everybody's business), "the grape juice wouldn't make you sick. After all, we pray over it and it's consecrated by God." Et cetera, blah blah blah.

I apologized and said doctor's orders trumped faith (or the supposed lack of it) in this regard, lifted the bottle to my lips and drank it right in front of him.

They did not bother me again, but they gave me horrible looks for a long time to come.

Eyeroll. Like my health is really any of their business anyway.

An old man who went to my non-class church related a story to me. The lady who was supposed to fill the communion cup (it was one cup at that time in history) dropped the grape juice bottle right before services. The congregation got to wondering what to do since the grocery stores as most stores back then were closed on Sunday. A woman said she had a bottle of canned dewberries in her car she could open and pour the juice into the cup. They all agreed it was a good idea and the preacher said "dewberries grew on the vine, and so its is a fruit of the vine like the Bible commands". And so they used dewberry juice for the communion that one Sunday.

[katisha]

"If you had enough faith in God," said one older gentleman (who was always in everybody's business), "the grape juice wouldn't make you sick. After all, we pray over it and it's consecrated by God." Et cetera, blah blah blah.

This statement confuses me a little. The CofC I went to did not teach faith healing. As a matter of fact, they spoke quite vigorously against it. The idea that the grape juice would miraculously be made safe borders on this.

[GuitarHero]

As in all things, they don't believe in it until it becomes convenient to their other beliefs.

[Hildegard]

"If you had enough faith in God," said one older gentleman (who was always in everybody's business), "the grape juice wouldn't make you sick. After all, we pray over it and it's consecrated by God." Et cetera, blah blah blah.

This statement confuses me a little. The CofC I went to did not teach faith healing. As a matter of fact, they spoke quite vigorously against it. The idea that the grape juice would miraculously be made safe borders on this.

Doesn't it?

Exactly what Guitar Hero said. They don't believe it until it's convenient.

I've heard of the same argument being made to people who request gluten-free bread because of their Celiac disease. Mind you, this is a real disease and not simply a "I feel better without gluten" situation. Faith is expected to trump health in this case. Funny how that line of reasoning is tossed out when hardline COCers are discussing Paul's "a little wine for your stomach's sake" instruction to Timothy. The classic explanation there is that, while it's completely sinful to even have a sip of alcoholic wine today, Timothy's health issues required him to take a small amount of the forbidden juice occasionally. OK, even if that argument were sound, why can't a Celiac patient or an ulcer patient use gluten-free bread or apple juice, respectively? In. Con. Sistent.

Lev

Yup. The only consistent thing about the CoC is the inconsistency--of the bread, of the arguments, of the theology...