Family Life

[illuminator]

What is it with the coc? Why can't a person be single, childless, and happy? That was one of the things I hated, I was then, and now single, childless, and happy. I hated hearing the elder's daughter -- who got knocked up and tried to hide it till a week before the wedding -- go on and on like she was Donna Reed and downed anyone in the congregation who was single.

Anyone else?

[NeverAgain]

I didn't get married until I was 32 (that was nearly 30 years ago now). I dated a lot, but almost never any of the girls in that church. They were sometimes attractive, but they were always boring as hell. So I just didn't get married until I found that right girl for me (a Methodist).

When I was in my mid-20s, a preacher asked my Grandmother if she would like to talk to him about dealing with a homosexual child. I was single and still (nominally) in the CofC denomination. She didn't actually curse him, but she did scorch him pretty good.

Now there are a lot of take-aways here:

1) the CofC looking at a 25- to 27-yeard-old man as "a child."

2) the belief that being married is the only acceptable status.

3) the assumption that I should be married by that time, else something was "wrong" with me.

4) the assumption that being unmarried at that age made it very likely that I was gay.

5) the given that if I was in fact gay, that is bad or evil or in need of remediation.

6) the resentment that I wouldn't get one of those bland and boring girls in the CofC down the aisle, and "suggestions" from the biddies (especially) about who might be a "good girl" to date were never accepted.

But I didn't realize until that moment that the general consensus among the bubbas and biddies was that I was gay. So not only did I have to deal with this "you can't be unhappy unless you're married" b.s., but I had to deal with the knowledge that they had this idea in their heads about me.

I left pretty soon after that. I was still single and had not yet met my wife-to-be. But the hilarious thing about the usual upset over my leaving "the church" and their need to rationalize it was the usual assumption: that "some girl" was behind it. To hell with all of them. But you are right, illuminator, just what is their deal? Another reason to leave the CofC denomination in your rear view mirror and drive as fast as possible away from it.

[KLP]

People and people and they often want to assume or formulate some motive for why other people differ...usually a negative motive since it puts themselves in a good light (they are normal, what is wrong with that guy). It is just what humans do, it is group think, and it is "normal". But the NT said to not think the worst of others, to not assume a bad motive of others. That is the normal way of thinking, the way the world thinks. But in the CofC many still had just regular ways of thinking be it power hunger leaders or busy bodies interfering and judging others. It was that way in the 1st century and continues. I have no thought that it is special to the CofC.

Sorry you guys had to endure this, but glad you can look back on it now and see it for what it was and maybe even get a laugh out of the absurdity of situation now and then.

[Lev]

When I was in my mid-20s, a preacher asked my Grandmother if she would like to talk to him about dealing with a homosexual child. I was single and still (nominally) in the CofC denomination. She didn't actually curse him, but she did scorch him pretty good.

Good for your grandmother!

[GMan]

I had no problem being single, except when a wedding was taking place. Usually either an elder or an elders wife would come up to me and say when was I going to get married and be as miserable as they were. The point was taken, and I told them that.

[agricola]

Don't think the attitude that an unmarried man isn't quite the thing. Most older folks among orthodox Jews will call an unmarried man a 'boy' - which sounds pretty funny when the 'boy' is all of fifty and getting pretty stout and gray headed. But he isn't MARRIED so he isn't really a grown up.

EVERYBODY will be trying to fix him up with a suitable girl - and if he made it past forty without getting married, 'suitable' is a pretty wide definition. Female and single is about it.

[illuminator]

Speaking of family life, I came from a funeral today and heard the daughter of a deacon where I used to attend, broke up a marriage and is planning to marry the guy. No one's batting an eye. Double standards for the higher-ups I guess.

Anyway, I finally fixed the wagons of those uppities who thought one cannot have a fulfilling life being single and child free. I'd look them in the eye, smile, and say, "Jesus was both."

[agricola]

Speaking of family life, I came from a funeral today and heard the daughter of a deacon where I used to attend, broke up a marriage and is planning to marry the guy. No one's batting an eye. Double standards for the higher-ups I guess.

Anyway, I finally fixed the wagons of those uppities who thought one cannot have a fulfilling life being single and child free. I'd look them in the eye, smile, and say, "Jesus was both."

Perfect answer (except he probably was....I wonder - was she dead? Or did she like him better when he was wandering around in the hills?)

[Pitts S2C]

I turned 25 and was married the same year. My car insurance dropped drastically. That's when I learned that I became an adult man according to society.

Plus my coC elders fully approved.

[katisha]

My ex was 25 when we got married and he had spent many years fending off rumors that he was gay. Of course that was back in the early 70's when coming out was greatly frowned on. He was glad to quiet the old biddies.

My son was in his thirties when he met his Love of His Life. Then she died and left him with their son. But no one bothers him about getting married any time soon. I don't really think he is interested.