CoC and Introversion

[agricola]

I have trouble with eye contact, too. Plus I'm pretty bad at recognizing faces. Plus most people are taller than I am....end result - I am usually talking to your third shirt button or something. Not on PURPOSE! There's nothing WRONG with your third shirt button!


Sixty plus years old and I'm still 'not making eye contact'.

[ena]

I have trouble with eye contact, too. Plus I'm pretty bad at recognizing faces. Plus most people are taller than I am....end result - I am usually talking to your third shirt button or something. Not on PURPOSE! There's nothing WRONG with your third shirt button! Sixty plus years old and I'm still 'not making eye contact'.

I can hardly imagine you as shy. I have trouble remembering names. I could give you a rousing rendition on short people. I don't think size matters much. I had a conversation the other day with my granddaughter. She is slender and likely to be tall. She is energetic and has a shape most women would be jealous of. She was somewhat worried about breast size. I told her that her mother knows a gal that had breast reduction surgery. She likes sports and they get in the way. There are thousands of ways to just not be enough but does it really matter. I enjoy people that have good hearts towards others. Baby I think you shine there!

[Lev]

One time this elder said hello to me and I said hello back, without looking him in the eye, and he grabbed my shoulder and put his finger in my face and told me I'd better look an elder in the eye when I was being spoken to. But he was just kind of a mean, angry man, and I was the only teenager in the church for a long time so I got the brunt of it. I was kind of the scapegoat for everything that was wrong with "kids today".

Older people who behave this way were probably picked on as kids and realized, sometime during adulthood, that they're finally 'big' enough to do that to someone smaller. Pathetic. Especially considering that 'elder' is a position of leadership, example, and service--not of status.

Lev

[Struggler]

When I was in high school I kept to myself a lot, especially at church. People would basically make jokes to my face about how quiet I was and it would always make me so mad. "You sure don't say much, do you?" they would always say. Sometimes if I did say anything someone would come back with a sarcastic, "Hey, you DO know how to talk!" My parents were both extremely social and would get to church super early and be one of the last to leave, so that was always torture for me. And any kind of potluck or other social gathering? No thank you. I always felt extremely awkward and could feel the people looking at me and talking about how I never said much.

I've always struggled with social anxiety and shyness. I started a new job a few months ago, the first office job I've ever had, and while I enjoy it a lot I've become known as the "quiet person" in the office and people are always making comments like this. They'll walk by my desk and say things like, "God, don't you EVER shut up?!" It's annoying, and kind of hurtful. I'm almost 30 and feel like I'm being bullied.

It was never that big of an issue at church except for one elder who took me aside on several occasions and told me I was being disrespectful for not talking and not looking people in the eye. I've always had trouble with eye contact, and avoiding it is so natural to me I don't even realize I'm doing it. It's a lot better now than when I was young, but I was just extremely anxious as a child and a teen and avoiding eye contact was one of the manifestations of my anxiety. One time this elder said hello to me and I said hello back, without looking him in the eye, and he grabbed my shoulder and put his finger in my face and told me I'd better look an elder in the eye when I was being spoken to. But he was just kind of a mean, angry man, and I was the only teenager in the church for a long time so I got the brunt of it. I was kind of the scapegoat for everything that was wrong with "kids today".

Were I to witness such in a church these days, the angry elder, preacher or whoever would get a tongue lashing he'd never forget. I've no time nor tolerance for people like that.

The people in your office are being difficult and trying to force their way on you. Where I work, it is the opposite. They want to sit quietly and act pious all day. I'm the opposite. They're trying to force their way on me. I let my work do the talking with those bozos.

[Phil]

Generally speaking, Most extroverts think that introverts are flawed from birth. They do not understand that introverts are often ok with themselves and don't need external validation to feel good about themselves. Introversion is not a flaw and those of us who are introverted were wired that way from birth and anyone who thinks it is a flaw is actually pointing the finger at God and not at the person who is introverted.

Yes, the coC encourages extroversion and asks those who are introverted to do things that are not natural to them. If someone asked an extrovert to sit and be still they would go nuts. But asking an introvert to do something unnatural seems to be ok. In reality, it is the introvert has the gift of "stillness" that those whom are extrovert can't relate. An introvert can relate to Psalms 46:10, "Be still, and know that I am God." Ask an extrovert what the meaning of this passage is and they will insist it has nothing to do with being quiet and finding God in your heart. Just ask them.

Generally, extroverts are typically NOT insightful, intuitive or introspective. They live their life in the outer world and have little interest in knowing themselves and understanding why anyone is not outwardly social. Yet, they suffer every bit as much as they think the introvert. Their suffering stems from their need for attention and validation. If they are not continually in the presence of others then they don't have an identity. They are always getting a sense of who they are from others, and not from self. This is torture and most of them cannot be content in a quiet environment. Christianity is much about learning to be quiet and still so that God can reach us in this stillness. Yet this is not encouraged much in the coC.

Do not ever let anyone persuade you into doing something unnatural to you. Introversion is not a flaw. Learn to appreciate your ability to get into the quiet aspects of Christianity that the extrovert will never know.

I still consider myself a Christian even though I have nothing to do with any religion or church. I stay away from religion due to the fact that the extroverts typically run these religions and churches and try to get everyone to conform to their personality type and POV. Extrovert typically enjoy the outer practices of organized religion, while those who are introvert enjoy the inner spiritual aspects of Spiritual Truth. Both have their place.

[SuperScared]

unless you're a woman! then you'd better shut your mouth!

[ena]

There are different gifts are for different people. You cannot rubber stamp out Christians into one form. Using a tool for that which it is not made does not make sense. I am not comfortable with betraying a friend, Inviting someone to church can be exactly that. I remember feeling uncomfortable and embarrassed. The day you invite someone is the day the preacher lambasts denominations. The Bible is silent on that subject for historical reasons. That is a common lie you might have heard in that they do not keep silent. Church History very much affects belief. That is what they do not get or know. Even early creeds are part of Church History. This is a common problem to all churches but especially so to those that think they are immune. While in the CoC I was like a mental cripple. I was crippled by innumerable ideas brought up by the CoC for which their is no authority. I had to go to extremes to get rid of this. Better to live life as an Atheist and go to Hell rather than live there on earth. That is the way I feel. .

[Moogy]

When I was younger, I was clearly an extrovert. Ivy can testify to this fact. Now I am mostly introverted. Both are OK.

[ena]

unless you're a woman! then you'd better shut your mouth!

I think the stance of the CoC on this is unfair. Consider Priscilla.

Romans 16:3-4 KJV Greet Priscilla and Aquila my helpers in Christ Jesus: 4 Who have for my life laid down their own necks: unto whom not only I give thanks, but also all the churches of the Gentiles.
Romans 16:2-4 (KJV)

She was instructing an adult male.

Acts 18:26 KJV And he began to speak boldly in the synagogue: whom when Aquila and Priscilla had heard, they took him unto them, and expounded unto him the way of God more perfectly.
Acts 18:26 (KJV)

Also we do not know the kind of women Paul was instructing: Former temple prostitutes? There is a context problem you can have from reading someone else's mail. You can"t know everything. A hidden context can bite.

[Lev]

I stay away from religion due to the fact that the extroverts typically run these religions and churches and try to get everyone to conform to their personality type and POV. Extrovert typically enjoy the outer practices of organized religion, while those who are introvert enjoy the inner spiritual aspects of Spiritual Truth.

You might like Taizé. It's a Christian religious service that thrives on introversion.

Lev