I have a question about christenings

[faithfyl]

Particularly if there are any Presbyterians here.


My husband and I talked about god parents. He wanted our twins to have godparents. I did not, because we are not Catholic. But he insisted, so for many reasons I won't go into here, he and I decided on a god parent for each twin. We had them christened in our Presbyterian church. The person whom we had chosen to be godfather of the boy twin is now offended because he wasn't asked to stand up with us during the christening. (The person whom we had chosen to be godmother of the female twin did not care either way).
SO, this person is so offended he's stopped speaking to my husband.

I told my husband I've been to several christenings in Presbyterian churches, and only the parents stand up. Nobody else. Also, our church does not recognize godparents. Is that how it is at most Presbyterian churches? I think it is but wanted to know what anyone else has seen.

[Ivy]

I have no idea, Faithful, but I am sorry that a special time was marred for you by one person making your
little one's christening be all about them.

[faithfyl]

I have no idea, Faithful, but I am sorry that a special time was marred for you by one person making your
little one's christening be all about them.

Well....my husband feels badly about it. We did have the entire family and godparents sitting on the front two pews though. I thought that was showing respect for their roles, you know? We also arranged to have the christening according to this person's schedule. He told us the exact date he wanted it to be held on, so we arranged that with the church for that specific date.

My husband said its common in Catholic churches for godparents to stand. However, this was of course Presbyterian, which is different.

But, speaking of people who want to make events "all about them"....we also had someone in my husband's family get upset because after the christening, we had a party in our home, and (according to them) didn't have sufficient gluten free food options for them. Now, we served sandwich platters. We told this person to just take the meat & cheese out of the sandwich and not eat the bread. That would make it gluten free, you know? They were still mad.

[KLP]

Sorry to hear that. I do not think there is a solution for such people. How does this guy think he is a "god"-parent if he is unwilling to be like "god" enough to forgive? How can this person be trusted to provide help to this child in time of spiritual need? It seems like he disqualifies himself in a much more significant way than just not standing near enough has "disqualified" him. that is my opinion. This dude needs to be confronted with his behavior of being a jerk and ungodly about being a spiritual sponsor/helper. But then I am more the confront people with their BS kind of guy...not that that gets me very far but I learned that not calling folks on BS like that just enables and encourages them to do it more and more. This is not meant to offend, I will delete if you take as offensive.

What I read on the internet, which I am sure you have searched, indicates the god-parent thing in your group is more often called sponsor. I have found some that state the godparent/sponsor does stand with the child and some that say they do not or do not have a role like that. It seems it is dependent on family and congregation. I did not find any place that indicated the godparent had any say-so in the ceremony or how it was done.

[faithfyl]

Thanks.

I am not really close to this person, my husband knows him much better. He is an Episcopalian, very church-going, but yes his behavior (currently) is not very forgiving or God like, Christ like, etcetera. I guess time will tell if he will just get over it, or keep stewing about it.

We told him its not the custom in our church that anyone else stand up with the parents during christening. That apparently, was not a good enough excuse in his book. I also jumped through hoops with my church to get the christening date re-scheduled to a date that he said would be more convenient for him to be there.

[Moogy]

When my son was baptized in the United Methodist Church, we didn't have real godparents. We did ask some friends to stand with us, and their whole family did so, the Mom (my friend), the two young children and their unchurched dad. (Not to mention my own husband, who was also unchurched but willing to be a good guy and go along with my wishes.) Of course, we didn't have any of our own family members there. They were all CoC and didn't approve of infant baptism.

Your "godfather" sounds like a bad choice, but I am sure you couldn't have known that in advance. His behavior was pitiful. But the most important part was what you and God were doing for your child. Just like jerks at weddings, the godfather should be quickly forgotten, as much as possible.

[cathym]

We told this person to just take the meat & cheese out of the sandwich and not eat the bread. That would make it gluten free, you know? They were still mad.

Well, if they really do have a sensitivity to gluten, it probably wouldn't. It would leave traces of the bread on the former contents, and for some people, even a trace is enough to cause problems. But they were still rude to make a stink about it. It's your party, celebrating your little ones. If they're that sensitive, and can't go the length of the party without eating, they should carry something with them that they can eat.

[faithfyl]

Your "godfather" sounds like a bad choice, but I am sure you couldn't have known that in advance. His behavior was pitiful. But the most important part was what you and God were doing for your child. Just like jerks at weddings, the godfather should be quickly forgotten, as much as possible.

My husband wants to write him a letter of apology, but to me that would just be like saying "we were wrong". And I've learned to be careful with apologies because sometimes all it does is validate the other person's behavior.

[agricola]

I would suggest - if your husband wants to write anything - that he should NOT say 'we were wrong' (because you weren't) but that he might say 'we are sorry you feel that way' and perhaps 'I'm sorry we weren't clear about the practice at our congregation where the godparents do not stand' - that is, you are sorry the guy is upset (because that is true) and you are acknowledging that there was a misunderstanding about the service due to a lack of pre-service explanation (which honestly, he should just shut up about) - if you want. Or not.

Sorry. But what a tool.

[faithfyl]

I would suggest - if your husband wants to write anything - that he should NOT say 'we were wrong' (because you weren't) but that he might say 'we are sorry you feel that way' and perhaps 'I'm sorry we weren't clear about the practice at our congregation where the godparents do not stand' - that is, you are sorry the guy is upset (because that is true) and you are acknowledging that there was a misunderstanding about the service due to a lack of pre-service explanation (which honestly, he should just shut up about) - if you want. Or not.

Sorry. But what a tool.

That sounds good, so I will run that by him, hopefully he hasn't already written that letter.

Seems like there's always somebody getting offended about something.