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Ivy wrote:Sola, tell me more about that "hidden emptiness" in us older parents....what do you mean? I don't think I feel a hidden emptiness, but maybe you can explain more about that.
I was simply referencing those who didn't end up as close to their adult kids as yourself, i.e. those who wish for more interaction with/attention from their adult kids.
SolaDude,
I can relate to the emptiness. We have only one child, and he lives in Ohio, while we are still in west Texas. With the COVID, we don't want to take a plane, and we are not inclined to drive that far. We sometimes have been able to see him two or three times a year, but this will not be the first time we have gone a whole year of no physical contact. He is pretty good to call us every two weeks, and I am grateful for that contact. He clearly has no interest in coming here for a visit. Right now I don't think he is even allowed to travel to Texas, since we are a hot spot for COVID. He is a doctor/faculty member at Ohio State University and the university hospital regulates where they can travel to try to contain the spread of the virus. He would have to quarantine if he came to Texas. (All his usual travel to medical conferences has been cancelled also, so it isn't just the hospital being mean to his parents.)
He and his wife plan to remain childless, so I feel a blank spot there, also. I understand their reasoning, and it is valid. But it doesn't get me any grandbabies!
Moogy
NI COC for over 30 years, but out for over 40 years now
Mostly Methodist for about 30 years.
Left the UMC in 2019 based on their decision to condemn LGBT+ persons and to discipline Pastors who perform same-sex marriages
Moogy wrote:SolaDude,
I can relate to the emptiness. We have only one child, and he lives in Ohio, while we are still in west Texas. With the COVID, we don't want to take a plane, and we are not inclined to drive that far. We sometimes have been able to see him two or three times a year, but this will not be the first time we have gone a whole year of no physical contact. He is pretty good to call us every two weeks, and I am grateful for that contact. He clearly has no interest in coming here for a visit. Right now I don't think he is even allowed to travel to Texas, since we are a hot spot for COVID. He is a doctor/faculty member at Ohio State University and the university hospital regulates where they can travel to try to contain the spread of the virus. He would have to quarantine if he came to Texas. (All his usual travel to medical conferences has been cancelled also, so it isn't just the hospital being mean to his parents.)
He and his wife plan to remain childless, so I feel a blank spot there, also. I understand their reasoning, and it is valid. But it doesn't get me any grandbabies!
You share a similar fate, sort of, with us. We also have one child. He lives in New York, we live in the midwest. No getting together for who knows how long with this COVID thing. We have consigned ourselves to no grandkids as our son is not married and not really interested in it, is very independent, can't stand Christians for the most part (does seem to at least tolerate us though), simply lives a shoebox existence with roommates as just about everyone does in Manhattan. But he has tons of friends there, loves the life there, and I think would go crazy living in the red neck midwest and close to his old, backward, boomer parents. Such is life, it's all good. One thing we have been very thankful for is that he lives in the safest state in the country, having attempted all along to manage the virus by the book.
At least you and I are not estranged from our offspring. That would be worse.
Moogy
NI COC for over 30 years, but out for over 40 years now
Mostly Methodist for about 30 years.
Left the UMC in 2019 based on their decision to condemn LGBT+ persons and to discipline Pastors who perform same-sex marriages
At least you and I are not estranged from our offspring. That would be worse.
I dont have a wife or kids. Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like and then there are days I am happy I have no spouse or kids.
B.H., as you grow older, you may find that it is a very real regret.
"All things are difficultbeforetheyareeasy."(found in a fortune cookie)
"We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the oppressed. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Forgetting isn't healing." Elie Wiesel
At least you and I are not estranged from our offspring. That would be worse.
I dont have a wife or kids. Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like and then there are days I am happy I have no spouse or kids.
B.H., as you grow older, you may find that it is a very real regret.
My kids and in their 40's and my grand children and fun. I have helped older people than have relatives that do not help. Having none can mean that you die at home unable to get help. My daughter has brought groceries to us, We do some shopping. We do eat out sometimes. Some restaurants have tables outside.
