Sex

[ena]

Not sure if it's appropriate to talk about this but I remember when I was about 21 in the Coc. I was still a virgin. Then one day at a Bible study out of nowhere I was told with one or two other younger guys that we shouldn't masturbate. I remember thinking to myself how impossible this will be, I am going to hell. After all these years later I am still wondering why this even came up? At the same time they were pressuring us to date "unsaved" girls and bring them to Church. I was shy with girls but they kept pressuring me that I should be on the hunt for girls that I meet at School and be bringing them to Bible study or Church. But then at the same time somehow I was going to curb my 21 year old hormones. This all just came back to me now. I can only guess that they were trying to build the Church membership. I remember them talking about the tree and bearing fruit and we needed to bear fruit by bringing people into the church. I remember thinking that if by chance I was able to get one of these girls to come to Church with me I was really going to be more focused of bearing fruit "with" them. It was easier for me to get the Jewish club to come to Bible study then to get a date with a girl. I actually did that. Now that I look back on this it really was alot of pressure to endure at that age.

I once suffered mightly with this. Better to beat off than run to the first girl available. It also helps balance the relationship with wife. I have always been a horny dude. Wife likes sex but can take it or leave it. I has been that way for years. Sex partners do not always want the same thing. God help you if you have a woman that wants more than you can give. They do exist but it is rare. My favorite libber joke is that man only has enough blood to operate only one head at a time or Men are little pull toys. The second one is more common than you think. Sex is better with clear communication. I've had some mind blowing experiences with that. As for dating there was not much with the CoC. I realize now that there were some that were interesting that I panned. I have gotten many dates from asking. As I got older and left college I found I ran to more divorced women. That can be a real gold mine. The problem with that is some women want nothing to do with a man. Others are attracted to bad boys until they realize they have been looking in the wrong place. Sex always comes with commitments some the commitments are the opposite of what you desire. I have run into that. Even if you are married you will run into opportunities. I never found one that was worth loosing my wife and children over. It is not how good looking you are but how safe you are from the woman's perspective. Therapists can get into real trouble with this one. It is a hazard of the job. I have witnessed a mega-church explode over an affair the pastor had. The problem was legalism within the congregation. The man had ceased the affair and made it right but kept being bugged by people who not let it go. That church is no longer here. Its attendance was 5,000 people. It is no longer on the web. His son became Greek Othodox.

[LeeLeeLoves]

I remember my church having the youth participate in an abstinence only weekend because a few of the teenage girls were getting pregnant (at the time it was 2) and they felt it was a problem. I was 19 at the time and had been sexually active for years and was on the pill. Thankfully I was raised by a mother who was a realist and knew that waiting until marriage wasn't going to happen. After they had that weekend, 5 girls within in a year of that program had gotten pregnant, a couple of them were on baby number 2. I came one night just to see what they were talking about and left halfway and was asked why and I told them "this is unrealistic and pointless. They are going to have sex anyway, you cannot stop them and using church as a reason not to teach safe sex is stupid and you are going to make a mass of single mothers."

[Ivy]

Re: some earlier comments, IMHO M a s t u r b a t i o n is a healthy way for young people to survive without making life
altering mistakes when they are way too young to process potential consequences. It's confusing and shaming for churches
to teach young people they basically have to just pretend they are asexual until the day they're married. Good luck with that!!


LeeLee, your mom was very wise to teach you about safe sex and contraception. That kind of
openness [in the church, anyway] was unheard of when I was growing up cofc.

[agricola]

Seen on bathroom wall at college:

Sex is like bridge; if you have a good hand, you don't need a partner.

[Scott]

The Church ignores reality. I did what I needed to do, problem is I felt so much guilt about it at the time. I just can't see how a 35 year old married Coc preacher can put that burden on a 21 year old boy. Being a man I would assume he went through the same struggle and could have more compassion or at least some understanding of reality. There was also a Brother who was a few years older than me who's wife had left him, I know he had a major problem with it all but couldn't marry again. I also am sure He was told not to masterbate also but that's just a guess. Anyway I heard he committed suicide a few years after I left the Church. There just has to be a better way to handle this. I was brought up Catholic and my wife is currently a dedicated Catholic and as far as I am concerned they have similar issues with the Priesthood. They just want to cover this all up and not deal with the honest truth. If all men are the same as I then they are all just plainly lying and not dealing with the truth. Part of me still condemns myself about it to this day, part of me forgives myself. I guess I am still struggling with this at the age of 52. I would never put my two sons through this. I am scared to death that my older son is going to get envolved with the Coc when he goes off to college this fall even though I know this is far fetched. I was out of the Coc before he was born and have brought him up telling him what I believe but that he should look at things on his own and make his own decisions and not necessarily believe what I believe. Just want him to be free to make his own decisions. Anyway I guess this is all a major problem for me still based on this ramble.

[B.H.]

Nature makes us able to have sex and want sex around ages 11-14. And back in the day that's when people got married and started families, well, maybe the boys waited longer. But the point is that our modern day lifestyles and economic expectations are not in sinc with our biology.


There is a hadith supposedly from the Prophet Muhammed that says a man who masturabates will meet God on the judgment day with his hand pregnant. I don't believe hadith is authoritative but most Muslim clerics teach masturbation is a sin like most Christian clerics do. This supposed hadith is an example of this teaching against masturbation.

The most I have gone without sex or masturbation is two days. The testosterone just drives you nuts until you do something to get rid of all of it for a little while at least.

[Tsathoggua]

My own sexual situation is, you might say, slightly askew.

I am a paraphiliac, and have always dealt with bizarre quasi-pseudo-sexual fantasies, myself. It started when I was a prepubescent (most powerful fetishes and paraphilias start in these early years). My specialty involves violence -- specifically, Superheroine knockout scenes. I always enjoyed watching Batgirl get clobbered over the head, or Wonder Woman getting chloroformed, etc.

I knew that my Mom didn't want to talk about it -- she found my "stash" one time, and looked at me really funny. I heard her crying in her bedroom later on that day, and this was a woman who never wept openly. I was afraid she would give me a big lecture, but that never happened. But she did eventually say something like, "If you ever want to talk about sex stuff, I can drive you up to the church and you can talk with the preacher." After a few days, she let it slip in conversation that my dad (he died when I was a few weeks old) liked movies with scenes where women fought and got knocked out. So, this thing just might be at least partially hereditary. I thought that was fascinating!

By the way, i "came out" to my five best friends about the matter around this time. No one actually shared the "knockout" fetish, but one friend did admit to be fascinated by women in bondage.

I masturbated every chance I got. Never felt guilty about it, since I figured that there were probably some people with this kind of fetish who took it into "real life" and became woman-beaters or even serial-killers, so if I just did it on a fantasy level, I wasn't harming anyone, so good for me!

I never liked using my hands. I am a mattress-humper! Does any one else out there prefer this method?

I first kissed a girl when I was in 8th grade. Didn't much care for kissing itself (and still don't), but the physical contact was sorta nice. She asked if I wanted to be her boyfriend, and though I was attracted to her, I declined. We remained friends, though.

When we moved to Nashville in 1977 when I was 16, I attended David Lipscomb High School in Nashville, TN. I had attended public school in Hendersonville up until that point. Wow, that was culture shock! People were really uptight and horrified of sex, or at least that was the impression that I had. Chapel talks about the horrors of premarital sex and masturbation. I sure never shared my weird predilections with my Lipscomb friends!

More about me and sex and weird fetishes, later...

[Tsathoggua]

I remember a lot of guys talking about how guilty they felt if they even looked at a girl with lustful thoughts. One fellow always had a list of verses written down on a sheet of paper that he would consult every time he felt the urge to sexually sin!

That being said, other guys talked about enjoying watching "Charlie's Angels" and "Wonder Woman" to appreciate all those beautiful scantily-clad women. So I don't think that everyone had such a guilt problem!

[AtPeace]

ena said:

As I got older and left college I found I ran to more divorced women. That can be a real gold mine.

I was a divorced mom for about a decade before I married my now-husband. I remember with disgust how many men assumed I was interested in flirting with them, or much more, simply because I was divorced. There seemed to be a belief out there that just because I was divorced, I wanted to mess around with men. Quite the contrary. I was very focused on my life, my children, my work, my friends, church, family, etc. I found it insulting that many men assumed I would be on the hunt (or available for being hunted) merely because I was divorced.

My son is a divorced dad. He doesn't date. Period. He doesn't want to complicate the lives of his children, and he is very satisfied and content living his life, being a dad, working, being active in his church, fostering friendships, etc. I can't tell you the number of people who think he's so weird for that.

[Scott]

ena said:

As I got older and left college I found I ran to more divorced women. That can be a real gold mine.

I was a divorced mom for about a decade before I married my now-husband. I remember with disgust how many men assumed I was interested in flirting with them, or much more, simply because I was divorced. There seemed to be a belief out there that just because I was divorced, I wanted to mess around with men. Quite the contrary. I was very focused on my life, my children, my work, my friends, church, family, etc. I found it insulting that many men assumed I would be on the hunt (or available for being hunted) merely because I was divorced.

My son is a divorced dad. He doesn't date. Period. He doesn't want to complicate the lives of his children, and he is very satisfied and content living his life, being a dad, working, being active in his church, fostering friendships, etc. I can't tell you the number of people who think he's so weird for that.

My Dad died when I was 13. My Mom was the same way until I was 18.