A place to snark and vent about CoC doctrine and/or our experiences in the CoC. This is a place for SUPPORT and AGREEMENT only, not a place to tell someone their experience and feelings are wrong, or why we disagree with them.
klp wrote:So this is always bugging me, how to balance those that are here and need a certain type of support and also how to make it easy for those still in CofC to finally make the exit. I say all this to say there never seems to be one right answer. You are trying to be polite and taking other things into consideration in not confronting certain posts....but then does that make you seem complicit or in agreement? I can never tell the best path. If anything I tend to just point out a considered alternative or a different way of looking at things, trying to be as non-emotional as possible. And I tend to respond when I am addressed specifically. I know it is unlikely to change the mind of people who are well entrenched in their position. But it may cause them re-consider future postings or as you point out it may help someone on the sidelines know there are alternative ways of thinking about the topic.
You are absolutely right. I have been able to change my husband's opinion on several key issues, but not all. If he were to read some of the things here he would most likely be offended and become defensive regarding the coc. I've seen it happen with comments I've made without thinking. That would set us back ages. I have told him that I participate in this forum, but would not want him to spend any time here. He is becoming more open minded, but leaving the coc is not even on his radar now.
As far as being complicit or in agreement on facebook, I think they are aware I am not because I never comment or "like" their posts. I would respond if I am addressed specifically, but that hasn't happened. I think a post was meant for me shortly after we left the congregation we attended for over 20 years, but I had no way of being sure. I just ignored it.
Thanks!
klp wrote:So this is always bugging me, how to balance those that are here and need a certain type of support and also how to make it easy for those still in CofC to finally make the exit. I say all this to say there never seems to be one right answer. You are trying to be polite and taking other things into consideration in not confronting certain posts....but then does that make you seem complicit or in agreement? I can never tell the best path. If anything I tend to just point out a considered alternative or a different way of looking at things, trying to be as non-emotional as possible. And I tend to respond when I am addressed specifically. I know it is unlikely to change the mind of people who are well entrenched in their position. But it may cause them re-consider future postings or as you point out it may help someone on the sidelines know there are alternative ways of thinking about the topic.
You are absolutely right. I have been able to change my husband's opinion on several key issues, but not all. If he were to read some of the things here he would most likely be offended and become defensive regarding the coc. I've seen it happen with comments I've made without thinking. That would set us back ages. I have told him that I participate in this forum, but would not want him to spend any time here. He is becoming more open minded, but leaving the coc is not even on his radar now.
As far as being complicit or in agreement on facebook, I think they are aware I am not because I never comment or "like" their posts. I would respond if I am addressed specifically, but that hasn't happened. I think a post was meant for me shortly after we left the congregation we attended for over 20 years, but I had no way of being sure. I just ignored it.
Thanks!
I very much agree with both of you in this. Sometimes I think that angry people say the things that have no filters, and are received by equally angry or hurt people who also have no filters. When I first came to this forum, I was scared by the vehemence of some of the members, and backed away. When I came back, I simply avoided comments that left me reeling, but I still remember thinking that although I had left the CoC, I did not despise it.
