Subtle Manipulation_Its role in families of traditional CoC?

[AtPeace]

I have figured out a lot about myself, God, churches and my family of origin since I walked away from the very traditional form of the CoC I was raised in.

So imagine my surprise to be figuring out something new at this point. Due to recent family interactions surrounding an aging relative, I have begun to realize (and remember) the role of "subtle manipulation" that developed in my family of origin which was, I believe, largely due to the manipulative communication found in their church.

I'm not saying this doesn't exist elsewhere. Goodness knows the world is filled with manipulation everywhere you look. And religion in general must use manipulative techniques if it considers itself evangelical. (Same thing if a person's in sales, of course.)

I'm not saying all manipulation is "bad." And I'm not even saying *subtle* manipulation is bad. I suspect the morality of it is largely determined by the manipulator's motivation. Therefore, a system (such as a church) may be manipulative, but it does so in the belief that it is doing people a favor.

But I'm seeing how far I'm come from that. I got sucked into the black hole of manipulative family communication and actions before I realized it. The issue/event had nothing to do with religion. But in my case, it has everything to do with religion, because that was/is the system they're all in, and where they honed it to a fine art.

Thoughts, anyone?

[KLP]

To live is to manipulate. To manipulate is to live.

I am reminded of the quote from Woody Allen's Love and Death

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down.

[Ivy]

Wonderful thread topic!!

Yes, definitely.....manipulation is huge in the "traditional" cofc.

Will try to put some thoughts together.

[B.H.]

I'm pretty good at manipulating people on this discussion board.