Conflicted Feelings

[longhorn71]

Hi all, thanks for having this board. It's been great reading other people's perspectives and experiences. For full disclosure, I am still a member of the COC. Which is why I am posting. I feel conflicted about my inclusion (if you can call it that) in the church (see? I can't break the habit The. Church. haha). I was raised Lutheran and came to the COC about 12 years ago. My husband and I had been looking for a church and couldn't find a place that was a soft place to land. I signed my daughter up a the closest Mother's Day Out, and it happened to be affiliated wit the COC. The rest is history - we felt like we found our soft place. Interestingly, my dad was raised COC and was even the songleader in his church, but became an atheist. You can guess how that ended. Nevertheless, we loved our COC and put aside the stuff that was annoying, which I will go into further in a moment. Here was the great stuff: the warmest people we ever came across when looking for church home in spades, the beautiful singing where I literally could feel God's presence in their 4 part harmony, the sense of community, and the simplistic ceremony. And then the bad: judgment. so much of it. Not from every one, but people I cared about, and that was hard. For example, when I mentioned my oldest might go to a Baptist university instead of Harding, OC, Lipscomb, etc., my closest COC friend basically reacted like I said she would go to the School of Satan. Like, I feel like if she does go to that school I will have to lie and say she is somewhere else. And that is just crazy when you look at it from an outside perspective.

I got really wrapped up in the legalism, as one does. When me moved from Texas To California, it was difficult to find a COC, but we managed to find one. Of course, I chose the most conservative one because it felt like home and for reasons I don't understand, the people were warmer than the other more 'liberal' COC. And that has been my experience when traveling too, it's interesting. However, my husband, who was also raised Lutheran but became COC because of me, would not go after one visit. Just hated it. Me, being in the COC frame of mind, continued to take the kids, without him. For about 2 years. And in doing so, really alienated my husband and left him out something we should have been sharing. I know only COC people will understand why i just could NOT go to another 'denomination'. But now, after being on the verge of divorce and slowly making our way out of it (sidenote: the divorce was OK with COC because he was an adulterer. the end.), I stopped going to services. Although I listen every Sunday on podcast, it's not the same (to me and FOR SURE to them). But I don't want to go back without him, and I even if I did, I feel like heathen. It is so absurd, i know, because, if my husband wants to join us for church, just another church, I can't even entertain the idea? Yes, for 2 years, that is what I thought. And no one dissuaded me of this viewpoint except my wonderful best friend, who is non denominational, and was like, honey I love you, but that is not a logical thought process.

So here I am, 3 months out, every once a while have someone check on me from the COC. Don't return calls because don't know how to explain, because they don't understand. But still love the COC in Texas, and have my kids do stuff with them during the summer. It's much bigger, so I can blend a little more. I cling to the nonjudgmental ones. But as for here, I'm stuck. Thanks for reading and feedback.

[Shrubbery]

Welcome! I'm also an ex-Lutheran now wanting to get out of the coc. It is amazing how they brainwash you against other denominations, isn't it? I recommend doing a lot of reading and research. Try reading the Bible without the CENI-S lens and see what you find. After really studying a lot, I feel comfortable attending a non-coc church. When I started searching out WHO the NT called Christians, I found a very different definition than what the coc teaches or at least implies (when they say such-and-such church isn't Christian because they use instrumental music or whatnot).

If I had a Lutheran church nearby, I'd definitely go back there at least for a bit. Could you try that out? Episcopal and Methodist are other good non-coc denominations that would likely be ok with a Lutheran leaning husband. Or even if you found a more progressive coc, if stepping outside of the coc confines is too much. The one you had in Texas sounds fairly progressive if they had MMO. The conservative ones won't even have a fellowship hall or a kitchen, let alone daycare during the week! I'm sure a progressive coc would be easy to find in California.

There is a progressive coc near me, but I have studied my way so far out of the coc realm that even that is too close to what I'm wanting to leave. But if it could be a stepping stone out with my husband, I'd do it. He was raised conservative coc, and I don't see him ever being comfortable in a non-coc church. Kind of the opposite problem you have.

[flawed]

Welcome Longhorn71. I was born and raised COC. Oddly enough I am at a place right now where I consider myself agnostic, however I still can’t bring myself to attend any other denomination. It really is so crazy how you get basically brainwashed that COC is the one true church. I hope you find something that helps you here.

[agricola]

Welcome to the ex-board - and please continue to read and study - you may especially find help in learning how early Christianity developed and spread - especially the early debates about doctrinal matters if that interests you.

Also if you haven't already found it - the main portal to this discussion forum has numerous essays and articles about where the coc deviates from the Christian 'norm' or mainstream.

http://ex-churchofchrist.com/

[Letmethink]

Welcome to the board.

I hope you get things worked out with your husband. IMO, that’s far more essential than getting the details of if, when, or where you go to church.

[longhorn71]

Hi everyone,

Thank you for your feedback and support, it is much appreciated. I will absolutely read other posts about theology. Like everyone else, I never have agreed with some of their beliefs (mandates?). I adore a cappella, but as we all know, it just isn't stated in the bible that one cannot worship with instruments, so that one has always flummoxed me. Plus the One True Church thing. Was there a Church of Christ in biblical times? I'm no biblical scholar, but I'm pretty sure there were no specific denominations (yes, COC is a denomination to me, I can say it freely here).

I don't think either of us want to go back to being Lutheran, too much sitting and standing, responsive readings, thanksgiving responses for us. One of the main reasons we became COC was simplicity of service. Don't like 'fancy (aka 'not plain talkin')', as my dad would say growing up in a Kentucky COC. But non-denominational definitely fits the bill in that respect. Almost TOO simplistic ( I need weekly communion!). He is open to a few of those. I hate to uproot the kids again after uprooting from their old church to come here, but I can't cause this division in the house, so we'll have to find a way to explain it.

Y'all are awesome!

[SolaDude]

I think there are some more progressive CofCs out there you might want to check out... they are less legalistic, some may even use a few instruments... but still remain simple..

[Shrubbery]

Yeah, seems like a progressive coc would fit the bill for you.

This is not an exhaustive list, by any means, but if any of the churches on it are near you, they might be worth checking out:

h**p://oneinjesus.info/recommended-church-of-christ-congregations/

^^^ That website has gazillions of articles and plenty of discussion from a (now deceased) progressive coc'er. So any churches recommended by his readers would be pretty progressive. And many of them will likely still be a capella churches. They just won't think you're sinning if you use an instrument.

[flawed]

Another member here, FinallyFree, loves her Disciples of Christ Church. They have weekly communion but without all the legalism of COC. You might visit one of them and see how it feels.

[agricola]

Check the 'New Paths' forum, where people share information about their current churches, religious path, or non-religious life.