Attendance monitors

[Ivy]

I had to accept that we weren't gonna be friends.

You're right.....conditional "friendships" are not friendship.

[Melanie]

Maybe the attendance monitoring is a passive/aggressive thing like, "If I gotta haul my @$$ up here every time the dang doors are open, then you darn well better be here, too!" No free passes -- Gotta have a good excuse, and *I* will decide if your excuse is good enough or not!!!

I always hated the "We missed you" blather. And God forbid you miss twice in a month, because then you were gonna get a stupid card from the ladies Bible class. I got those for 6 or 8 months after we left! Several old biddies went so far as to ask me if they had offended me in some way, and if that was why I left.

[Struggler]

"We missed you" is bad enough in that syrupy, sing-songy tone, but I had my fill of people asking "Where were you?" anytime I wasn't at a service. I usually told them I was elsewhere.

[B.H.]

What if somone said "We didn't miss you"? And you said ffffffftttt back at them?

[kneedeep]

What if somone said "We didn't miss you"? And you said ffffffftttt back at them?

Not sure what "ffffffftttt" means lol. I don't think anyone would be that bold. They prefer to ignore you.

BTW regarding my OT I haven't had the talk with her yet. Timing has been off. She's cut back on the text messages since I posted and doesn't say "I miss you" . If she says it again I will talk with her and provide an update (if ya'll care to read about it )

[Struggler]

When someone says "we missed you," the tone of voice is often revealing of the person's motives.
Even worse is the call or confrontation the next time you show up, when someone asks in an accusatory tone, "Where WERE you?"

[OneStrike_ur_out]

Attendance monitors were really something else. Miss ONE service every once in a blue moon, and your phone will ring off the hook. If you don't answer, the voicemail that they leave will go something like this: "So and so, this is such n such. Didn't see you on Wednesday night. Just calling to see what is going on. If there is ever anything that anyone within the church can do to help you, don't hesitate to ask, okay? Hope to see you back with us soon". Like the OP said, you miss ONE service and they act like you haven't been there in a century. They act like you need a freaking intervention if you missed, no matter how rare it was that you weren't there. All of a sudden, NOTHING else you did counted for anything. All those other times you were there, front and center, didn't mean squat. It was that one miss that they concentrated on. The next time you were there, you got the third degree. Certain people would come up and act like you had been on the side of a milk carton. In their overly dramatic, accusatory tone, they would come up and bluntly demand to know where you were. Of course, the reason was NEVER good enough. Not sickness, not work, not being on vacation, not family related issues, up to and including even a death in the family. NOTHING. I even got chastised for missing because I was on vacation. Another time, I lied through my teeth and they basically called bullshit. I said that there was a technician working at my house, and it was taking him longer than what was anticipated, and I could not leave as long as he was there working, or he would have had to leave and it would have meant rescheduling him to come back out and finish another time. The response I got was "hmm...interesting". Saying "interesting" in response to someone's explanation is really saying "you're lying". Even if you don' t believe the person, saying "interesting" is very inappropriate. I once had a boss who said that to his employees. Because, everybody was ALWAYS trying to "put one over on him" as he put it. What used to REALLY grind my gears was when these SAME attendance police would be out themselves. Oh, they could not DARE be questioned. Totally different situation whenever they missed. One time, just for kicks, I tried calling one of the attendance police when they missed a Sunday morning. Surprise, surprise, I got NO answer!! And when they came back, not only would they NOT say a thing about where they were, they couldn't change the subject fast enough when they were asked! Just gotta love those cOC double standards!

[KLP]

ha, that reminds me...I did the monitor thing on the head elders family one time. They created this pot luck at a park that was essentially a spiritual service but with food. It was the "first annual be thankful to God for what he has done" or some long title like that. And it was pushed from the pulpit for weeks in a not so subtle way that this is how we show thankfulness to God...I mean who doesn't want to be thankful....so why would you miss...that junk. It was a Saturday afternoon and shot most of the day of course but it wasn't going to count towards Sunday attendance.

Well the day rolls around and turns out the Head elders son and his family were not there since it was the head elder's granddaughters birthday party and it was already scheduled...and of course of friends of head elder family also went to the birthday party. But the rest of us schlubs better be out there at the park shelter being thankful to God with long prayers by a number of people and talks. oy

So Sunday the Head elder family is all together in their pews and I sauntered up to the front row and said loud enough for all to hear about how much we all missed them at the Thankfullness event. The head elder turned red...he already hated me anyway. I asked if they had were OK or had some illness...like I didn't already know. Then came the story about the already scheduled birthday party....and then I gave them ol' "well we sure missed yall and I sure hope yall are able to come next year". I was so sweet, sugar wouldn't melt in my mouth. I didn't make another year...go figure.

Steam was coming out of their ears but I just walked off all smiles.

[OneStrike_ur_out]

ha, that reminds me...I did the monitor thing on the head elders family one time. They created this pot luck at a park that was essentially a spiritual service but with food. It was the "first annual be thankful to God for what he has done" or some long title like that. And it was pushed from the pulpit for weeks in a not so subtle way that this is how we show thankfulness to God...I mean who doesn't want to be thankful....so why would you miss...that junk. It was a Saturday afternoon and shot most of the day of course but it wasn't going to count towards Sunday attendance.

Well the day rolls around and turns out the Head elders son and his family were not there since it was the head elder's granddaughters birthday party and it was already scheduled...and of course of friends of head elder family also went to the birthday party. But the rest of us schlubs better be out there at the park shelter being thankful to God with long prayers by a number of people and talks. oy

So Sunday the Head elder family is all together in their pews and I sauntered up to the front row and said loud enough for all to hear about how much we all missed them at the Thankfullness event. The head elder turned red...he already hated me anyway. I asked if they had were OK or had some illness...like I didn't already know. Then came the story about the already scheduled birthday party....and then I gave them ol' "well we sure missed yall and I sure hope yall are able to come next year". I was so sweet, sugar wouldn't melt in my mouth. I didn't make another year...go figure.

Steam was coming out of their ears but I just walked off all smiles.

That is hilarious! It was really something watching the attendance police backpedal whenever the shoe was on the other foot. I even heard one of them get angry and start shouting one Sunday morning when someone asked them where they had been! This same person who made phone call after phone call and harassed people to the nth degree about where they were if they missed could NOT stand up to the same scrutiny. He literally threw his hands up and said "Fine. Ya'll do whatever ya'll want. From this point forward, if somebody isn't here, then they just simply aren't here. No more phone calls or questions from me, okay?". It was like he was surrendering.

[KLP]

... He literally threw his hands up and said "Fine. Ya'll do whatever ya'll want. From this point forward, if somebody isn't here, then they just simply aren't here. No more phone calls or questions from me, okay?". It was like he was surrendering.

awesome. Applause should have erupted but of course applause is not authorized...least not in NI CofC. All you fellowship hall puppet ministry folks probably were happy clappy all the time (or so we were told)