How much self-hatred does it take...???

[evolvingsight]

How much self-hatred does it take to make it in the Church of Christ??? And at what point did it become too much???

Welcome, evolving. And I have to tell you, for some reason your very forthright post almost made me spew my coffee on my keyboard!!! I loved it!!

I am gratified you liked your cathartic response to my post.

[evolvingsight]

How much self-hatred does it take to make it in the Church of Christ??? And at what point did it become too much???

And it also made me think......did I loathe myself as a cofc member? Was it really self hatred that I was experiencing? Is that what led me to pretty much dive off the deep end and put myself in myriad kinds of danger when beginning my lengthy exit (unbeknownst to me) as a teen / young adult?

I was deeply conflicted for years. I think they tried to cultivate self-loathing in me, but I was too egotistical for that to work. And yes, I had a wicked experimental side as well.

[faithfyl]

I grew up with self-hatred and low self esteem, I believe largely due to church teachings and culture.

[Struggler]

I grew up with self-hatred and low self esteem, I believe largely due to church teachings and culture.

This.

Constantly told how worthless we were. Every little infraction, real, perceived or even made up, was made to sound like the worst sin of all time. If something went wrong in life, we were told it was God's wrath. If we expressed the slightest confidence in anything, there was a biddy or bubba ready to "rebuke" us and tell us to be "UMMMMM-bul." Tow things--it's HUM-ble, dammit, and being able to do something doesn't make one arrogant. These people were doing Satan's work.

[faithfyl]

I know, it's like we had to feel guilt constantly. They had issues also with people who enjoyed life and wanted to live it to the fullest.

[Ivy]

I know, it's like we had to feel guilt constantly. They had issues also with people who enjoyed life and wanted to live it to the fullest.

I agree with you there!!

They had issues also with people who enjoyed life and wanted to live it to the fullest.

In my family I think it was just the old school idea that it's better to be stoic and not to express too much emotion. For example, it made my dad (may he continue to rest in peace) uncomfortable when I got too excited about something that he didn't understand. He was baptized into the cofc but never really dove into that belief system, so that makes me think that for him it was cultural and not religious. Dad was older when I was born, and if he were alive today he'd be over 100 years old. So that tells you the era into which he was born.

As a side note, I am very grateful that Dad was not dyed in the wool cofc. If he had been, I believe it would have been much harder for me to break away. And it was hard enough as it was.

[Ivy]

One other tidbit for y'all.......remember that song "At the Cross", where it says "for such as worm as I"? My mom refused to say she was a "worm", and she would say "for such a one as I" instead. For what it's worth, I commend her for that.

Sorry if you've now got an "ear worm" of that song in your head.

[agricola]

I grew up with self-hatred and low self esteem, I believe largely due to church teachings and culture.

This.

Constantly told how worthless we were. Every little infraction, real, perceived or even made up, was made to sound like the worst sin of all time. If something went wrong in life, we were told it was God's wrath. If we expressed the slightest confidence in anything, there was a biddy or bubba ready to "rebuke" us and tell us to be "UMMMMM-bul." Tow things--it's HUM-ble, dammit, and being able to do something doesn't make one arrogant. These people were doing Satan's work.

Yes. As a result, I felt guiltily responsible for EVERYTHING (including the weather).

[Cootie Brown]

I'll offer a reason why I believe the c of c was able to get away with this tactic. I'm currently reading Jesus, Mything in Action by David Fitzgerald. In the book he references this.......


John Dominic Crossan, a noted Bible scholar and former Catholic Priest wrote, “My point once again, is not that those ancient people told literal stories and we are now smart enough to take them symbolically, but that they told them symbolically and we are now dumb enough to take them literally.”

[Struggler]

I grew up with self-hatred and low self esteem, I believe largely due to church teachings and culture.

This.

Constantly told how worthless we were. Every little infraction, real, perceived or even made up, was made to sound like the worst sin of all time. If something went wrong in life, we were told it was God's wrath. If we expressed the slightest confidence in anything, there was a biddy or bubba ready to "rebuke" us and tell us to be "UMMMMM-bul." Tow things--it's HUM-ble, dammit, and being able to do something doesn't make one arrogant. These people were doing Satan's work.

Yes. As a result, I felt guiltily responsible for EVERYTHING (including the weather).

A few people literally tried that with me. I had a suit and it seemed to rain most times I wore it. Made a joke about it. Once, after several days of significant rain, a handful of church people said they they wanted to burn my suit. One old biddy kept telling me over how "they're going to rip that suit into rags." I think they actually believed a blue suit from JC Penney could affect the weather.
What petty, useless people!