Disfellowship stories/issues?

[B.H.]

Well if I ever had butt sex I certainly wouldn't go around bragging about it.

[Ivy]

I just found this song about leaving the church, being shamed by the church, and finding a better life on the other side.

I couldn't get a good link but if you want to hear it google it. "Running Off the Angels" by Loula. Lyrics, music, and the singer are amazing.
Very relatable for an ex-cofcer.

[zeek]

Well, her husband forced her to have butt sex.

Not to hijack the thread, but I feel like that is a very common subject in pre-marital counseling; CoC, Roman Catholic, or otherwise. Is butt sex a sin? I think it has even been answered in Truth Magazine a few times. I've found the answers can be variable and I think what is said is a fairly good litmus test of which preachers have 'experimented' because we know no sensible CoC preacher would condemn himself.

A high percentage of the clergy, coC and the rest, are sexually deviant. Some are not heteronormative, some are pedophiles, some have some other kink that they feel is unacceptable. We go into the clergy with the hope that if we can get holy enough those unacceptable feelings and desires will somehow go away. Sadly, it doesn't work that way. Our sexuality is hardwired in and there is no way to truly alter it. Now, we can learn to discipline ourselves and not act on those feelings or desires, but in truth, they never go away. I participate on a social media site for gay men. No, not Grinder or any other such hook up site. Whenever a person comes on and self identifies as clergy, I private message them and ask "did you go into ministry to try to not be gay" about 98% of them confirm that that was their motivation.

[TheSpoon]

I left little more than 10 years ago. Having seen first hand different "disfellowship strategies" over the decades as a member I was a little concerned about what kind of response would be brought forth from the church against me. I have seen a group of elders show up to a former members work place for a "discussion" as well as an elder visiting a single woman late at night alone (and getting mad when the lady would not let him in). Some crazy stuff.

In my case I only received 2 formal letters about 6 months and 9 months after I left which was only signed "The Church". Contained the typical not forsaking the assembly scripture quotes - both letters almost identical - with no personal signatures. No emails, no personal letters, no texts, no phone calls, no visits at my house (late or otherwise), and not one visit to my workplace. I feel both relieved and kind of mad that they let me go so easily. I knew some of these people for over 30 years and I am kind of sad that I meant so little to them. I believe that the only reason I received the 2 impersonal formal church letters was to relieve them of any responsibility.

Glad I am gone and not going back.

[Moogy]

I left little more than 10 years ago. Having seen first hand different "disfellowship strategies" over the decades as a member I was a little concerned about what kind of response would be brought forth from the church against me. I have seen a group of elders show up to a former members work place for a "discussion" as well as an elder visiting a single woman late at night alone (and getting mad when the lady would not let him in). Some crazy stuff.

In my case I only received 2 formal letters about 6 months and 9 months after I left which was only signed "The Church". Contained the typical not forsaking the assembly scripture quotes - both letters almost identical - with no personal signatures. No emails, no personal letters, no texts, no phone calls, no visits at my house (late or otherwise), and not one visit to my workplace. I feel both relieved and kind of mad that they let me go so easily. I knew some of these people for over 30 years and I am kind of sad that I meant so little to them. I believe that the only reason I received the 2 impersonal formal church letters was to relieve them of any responsibility.

Glad I am gone and not going back.

Wow, you got lucky! I agree the only reason for the letters was to be able to think it wasn't their fault.

[B.H.]

I didn't get disfellowshipped. It's not fair that I didn't get the joy of having to go through that.

[Ivy]

I didn't get disfellowshipped. It's not fair that I didn't get the joy of having to go through that.

I could write a really good one for you…but you’d have to
help me remember all the cherry picked scriptures. BH I never got one either…due to being on the move I guess.

I think the “formal disfellowship” letters are kind of like when someone doesn’t follow their doctor’s recommendations and they send a letter of discharge due to noncompliance. That way they’ve washed their hands of you and the congregation keeps their candlestick in place (so they think). Wasn’t it Paul who threatened candlestick removal? Edited to correct error: No, it was Jesus in Revelation….so John the Revelator was the messenger I guess.

[Gauronaolo]

I’ve heard about disfellowshipping practices in the CoC too, but it never happened at my church. It was always something discussed in sermons, and I knew of places where it was practiced, but it never really affected me personally. The whole debate about whether it’s biblical or not is interesting. Some people believe it’s necessary to maintain discipline, while others think it’s more about control. I’ve also seen how other groups like Jehovah’s Witnesses and the Amish use similar practices, and it always blows my mind how strict it can be, especially when it comes to cutting off family members. The fact that JW's allow beer in moderation feels like a weird contrast to their other rules.

[agricola]

I slipped out the back Jack. Got a new plan, Stan.
Basically, I ghosted them fifty years ago and never really looked back. Probably the old guard died off without ever realizing and the new guard never knew anyway.

Lord knows, my PARENTS never told anybody! Mother thought it would make her look bad as a parent, and Daddy probably didn't think it was anybody's business, and mother would have aided and abetted that out of fear that he might lose his position as deacon if the story got around.
All that means is that they didn't tell anybody but their PARTICULAR friends, of course!

And therefore, in fact, people DID know. The preacher's son (that whole family was as nice as nice could be) sent me a cool book about the Rabbinic background of Jesus' teachings. I forget the actual title.

[longdistancerunner]

I’ve heard about disfellowshipping practices in the CoC too, but it never happened at my church. It was always something discussed in sermons, and I knew of places where it was practiced, but it never really affected me personally. The whole debate about whether it’s biblical or not is interesting. Some people believe it’s necessary to maintain discipline, while others think it’s more about control. I’ve also seen how other groups like Jehovah’s Witnesses and the Amish use similar practices, and it always blows my mind how strict it can be, especially when it comes to cutting off family members. The fact that JW's allow beer in moderation feels like a weird contrast to their other rules.

The worst are the Roman Catholics, they excommunicated people and at times threw them out of villages or burned them,, would not allow them to be buried in a cemetery.