Ex Church of Christ support group

_____________________________________________

(About 20% of Churches of Christ are hardline.)

1. Thou shalt have no other church.

2. Thou shalt bow down and worship the church thou grewest up in. The church thou wast raised in shall be thy god all the days of thy life. Thy church is a jealous church and thou shalt have no other churches before her.

3. Thou shalt not misuse the name of the church of Christ, for the church shall cut off anyone who misuses the name of the church of Christ.

4. Remember the first day of the week to keep it holy. Thou must dress up on Sunday morning. Thou must have a family argument on the way to church. Thou must attend Sunday morning Bible class, Sunday morning worship, and Sunday evening worship every Sunday in order to be pleasing to the church. Anyone who labors instead of going to church shall be rebuked by the church and looked down on for going forward and taking Sunday night communion. Anyone who blasphemes the first day of the week shall be cut off from the church.

5. Honor thy father and thy mother in the church. Unless they do not go to your church, in which case do not honor them, honor thy church instead.

6. Thou shalt never question thy church. There are a few specific questions that thou mayest discuss in Bible class ad nauseum, but none others than these few (and thou knowest which ones they are). Anyone who questions the church shall be warned.

7. Thou shalt find verses in the Bible to support thy church. All Bible study must be designed to support thy church that thou grewest up in. If thou didst not grow up in the church, but were converted to it, then thou must become twice the son of the church as those who didst convert thee.

8. If thou canst not find verses to support thy church, thou must redefine words in the Bible to support thy church. Thou shalt ignore any teachings in the Bible which contradict thy church, the church thou wast raised in as a child.

9. Go into the whole world and evangelize for thy church. Discuss thy church with everyone thou meetest. Make sure the discussion insults all those outside thy church. Make sure you are friendly, but condescending so thou shalt not be tempted to leave thy church.

10. Thou shalt not covet other churches outside thy church. Do not covet their nice church buildings, their educated pastors, their accountability to other churches, their supervision, their money, their education, their relaxed attitudes, or their ability to be open minded. Never leave thy church, because if thou doest leave, thou shalt be condemned to wander the earth with a CofC branded upon thy forehead and a lust in thy heart for the perfect church, which thou shalt never ever find.

Next Page