Resources
Spiritual Abuse: Feeling manipulated, torn, enraged because of what is
being done in the name of love.
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Double-binds are the stock-in-trade of spiritual abusers. Example of
a double-bind: A mother sends her son in college a blue shirt and a green
shirt. He wears the green shirt home for Thanksgiving. "The green shirt?"
Mom asks. "What's wrong with the blue shirt?"
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Preacher's Kids: Most preacher's kids have to overcome a feeling of
never being good enough, of never being allowed to do things for oneself, of
always being watched, of being phony. For a website
click here.
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Depression: Depression has many
symptoms and many causes. One of the causes is grieving the loss of
a church family, or the loss of friends and family members. Another cause is trying to maintain fellowship and
amiable relationships with people who are not used to having relationships
with those outside the exclusive Churches of Christ. Trying to accomplish the
impossible, burdening oneself with an impossible task, can quickly lead to
burnout and depression. See this
stress
checklist. *
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Authoritarianism: ** People who have left authoritarian
churches often exhibit the same symptoms as people who have grown up as
Adult Children of
Alcoholics. They could benefit from attending a 12 Step support group
like Al-Anon or ACOA
(often referred to as ACA).
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Handling Family: Dealing with family members after one has left the
hard-line Churches of Christ is extremely difficult for most people.
How
did Jesus handle his family? When Jesus' family thought he had lost his
senses, when he was pursued by crowds such that he didn't have a chance to
eat, his family decided to go take charge of him (Mark 3). They
traveled to the place he was teaching and found Jesus in a crowded house.
When word got to Jesus that his mother and brothers were outside the house
wanting to talk to him, he replied, "Who are my mother and brothers?"
Evidently he knew that his family would stand in the way of his mission one
day, and he had decided ahead of time not to let it happen, and to use it
as a teaching moment. What some would consider the greatest sin, to oppose
one's family, and even to publicly insult his family, Jesus deemed necessary
in the greater scheme to obey God. Jesus' relationship with his father in
heaven was stronger than his allegiance to his mother and his brothers.
Leaving his family standing outside the house, and refusing to go speak to
them, was necessary for Jesus to pursue his mission from God.
Jesus did not stop loving his family. On the cross he instructed
John to take care of his mother. Letting go of family pressure is painful
and usually brings feelings of self-doubt.
Bibliography
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For
a website very similar to this one, but for ex-members of another One True
Church group click
here.
* Also included in the stress checklist is a list of stress
reducers:
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Exercise 30 minutes per day
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Eat less sugar and less processed food
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Reduce TV time to one hour or less/day
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Good sleep habits
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Pray or meditate each day
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Spend time with a good friend
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Having a stable family
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Forgive enemies
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Listen to or play music daily
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Attend a support group/study group
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Have a sense of humor
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Financial security
**Authoritarian is very different from
authoritative. Authoritarian is harsh and controlling, authoritative is
firm with good boundaries.
For two websites that deal with all kinds
of abusive churches click here,
and here, For a check list
click here.
For a page on Conquering Sin,
click here.
What some would consider
the greatest sin, to oppose one's family, and even to publicly insult his
family, Jesus deemed necessary in the greater scheme to obey God.
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