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I am very, very important, and besides, I'm
always right: the Narcissistic Personality
1. Believes he or she is more important than others. "Ask me, I'll tell you."
2. Cannot stand to be disagreed with. Often loses temper when opposed. Seldom
apologizes except as a blanket salve. Never commits to act differently. "I
didn't do anything wrong." "Then what are you apologizing
for?" "So you will quit yelling at me."
3. Is authoritarian. Insists on immediate,
unquestioning obedience.
4. Prefers movies with cardboard stereotypes rather than complex characters. An
action movie, a formula romance or a slapstick comedy are preferred.
5. Loves to rescue those in distress, but
6. Is actually oblivious to their pain. Cannot understand why others are upset
with him or her. Cannot understand their viewpoint.
7. Acts haughty and disdainful when challenged.
8. Impatient with weakness. "Snap out of it. Get a grip."
9. Admires autocratic leaders and bigger-than-life characters.
10. Loves to sell Amway, AllStar, Shaklee, Tupperware. Is willing to lose all
their friends by pressuring them into signing up with them.
Core issue: Was ignored as a child, but denies it vehemently.
Unconscious Motivation: Wear heavy armor to protect the fragile wounded
child inside.
TV Characters:
Denny Crane, Michael from
The Office
Theme Song: I
Did it My Way
How to Deal with: Draw firm boundaries. Flatter them whenever possible.
Rebuke them gently repeatedly for years. Siege warfare.
The Narcissist usually pairs up with his girlfriend,
Echo, who is:
I am very, very loyal, ask my partner, he'll
tell you: the Dependent Personality
1. Has no opinion except the opinion of the person(s) he is dependent on.
2. Has difficulty identifying their own individual emotions. Prefers to say that
she is sick rather than say she is sad or angry.
3. Loves to rescue those in need. It makes him feel needed and worthwhile.
4. Is mean to those she is told to be mean to.
5. Is self-righteous and seldom apologizes, except to say that he is sorry if
you feel hurt.
Core Issue: As a child, was told they did not know what they were
thinking or feeling or seeing.
Unconscious Motivation: I will get enough love if I identify with someone
powerful.
TV Character: Dwight Shrute
Theme Song:
As Long as He Needs Me from the musical Oliver!
How to Deal with: Don't rescue them. Don't expect them to be loyal
to you when the crunch comes.
I am disgusted with the lack of morality
around here:
the Obsessive Personality
1. The rules about the laws are so important that the obsessive can't remember
what the main point was in the first place.
2. Constantly criticizes. Cannot relax until all the criticizing has been
accomplished.
3. Gives constant unwanted advice. Doesn't matter if you wear the red shirt, you
should have worn the green one. If you cook chicken, it should have been beef.
4. Has a really bad marriage. Who would want to be criticized all the time?
Their kids won't visit much. Or else their kids move into their basement
permanently--they can't function in life because they are always anticipating
criticism.
5. Stingy.
6. A
hypochondriac. Lots of illnesses. Expresses emotion through the illnesses.
Core issue: As a child the rules were constantly changing. They could
never keep up and were always in the wrong.
Unconscious Motivation: Need to project their unbearable load of guilt
onto others. The
speck of sawdust in your eye.
TV character: The Church Lady
Theme Song: The Superior Dance
How to Deal with: Draw firm boundaries. Rebuke them gently and
repeatedly--for years. If you need to calm a narcissist down just flatter him.
He will eat out of your hand within seconds.
Healing: Jesus asked the man at the Pool of Bethesda, "Do you want to get
well?"
John 5
I am
in need of lots of attention: the
Histrionic Personality
1. Prima Donna. Loves to be dramatic.
2. Likes to push the boundaries of what is appropriate to wear to church. Enjoys
being sexy, and interprets everything as a sexual issue.
3. Always has the latest gossip.
4. Loves to rescue victims, or better yet, loves to be the victim.
5. Very sensitive and often takes things personally.
Core issue: Extreme loneliness arising from feeling abandoned as a child.
Dad only paid attention when she was cute or sexy.
Unconscious Motivation: The real me is unlovable, so I will do anything
to get you to love the mask I wear. Unfortunately that makes me angry to have to
do all that, so I have to get revenge on you at the same time that I take your
love.
TV Character: Bette Midler,
Jack
Movie: Mommy Dearest
Theme Song:
You are the Wind Beneath my Wings
How to Deal with: Draw firm boundaries. Give them attention when you can.
Don't be seduced.
How to Heal: The
woman
at the well. Jesus said God was seeking her and that she would change from
an empty well to a fountain.
I have the power to drive you crazy:
the Borderline Personality
1. Impulsive: he might decide to move out of state.
2. Has attempted suicide--usually in a dramatic way.
3. Never asks for her needs to be met, but throws a temper tantrum that you did
not know what her needs were beforehand
.
4. No matter what you choose you lose: If you buy me flowers, I'll ask where the
chocolates are. If you buy me chocolates, I'll ask where the flowers are. If you
buy me both flowers and chocolates, I'll ask you why you never did this before.
5. Loves to be the Victim and get everyone to feel sorry for him and Rescue him
from the big mean Boundary Enforcers.
6. Has addictions to porn or alcohol.
7. Gets into intense relationships with people that inevitably blow up in one's
face.
Core issue: Overwhelming abandonment feelings arising from severe (often
sexual) abuse in childhood.
Movie:
Fatal Attraction
Theme Song:
Hit the Road Jack
How to Deal with: Draw firm boundaries. Don't get drawn in by the
suicide/catastrophe language. This person lives on being a Victim to be Rescued.
Never rescue this person, ever. Always have witnesses present.
How to Heal: Needs a professional stable boundaried relationship for 2 to
5 years. The professional needs to have had years of experience.
Stay away from me:
the Avoidant Personality
1. A loner.
2. Odd or eccentric.
3. Does not enjoy talking to people or sharing intimate joys and concerns.
Core issue: Severe abuse in childhood makes this person expect everyone
to be dangerous.
Theme Song:
I am a
Rock by Simon and Garfunkel,
Eleanor Rigby by the
Beatles.
How to Deal with: Leave them alone. Respect the boundaries they set. Let
them know you are available and gentle.
I smile when people suffer:
the Antisocial Personality
1. Extreme narcissist. Needs attention and extreme obedience all the time.
2.
Sadistic: Gets a little grin on his face when announcing sad news. Enjoys
others' pain.
3. Loves to control others, just for the sake of control.
Core Issue: Almost no tenderness or empathy as a child.
TV character:
Ben on Lost
Movie: No Country
for Old Men
How to Deal with:
Dangerous to deal with. Don't oppose this person openly. Guerilla warfare. Jump
out of the bushes, fire off a few rounds, run and hide. Flatter them.
Combos:
You may find that you know people who have
lots of these symptoms, but don't fit into any one category. These people still
belong on this page, but are a combination of several symptoms.
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